Okay, okay I'll go out with you

For all my talk about finding the love of my life, I go out of my way to keep that very thing at bay. In Arizona, I let something develop with this guy so not what I want. He was more into me and had plans that I was not going to be a part of and I had to take responsibility, not for his feelings, but for what I did to encourage and more importantly, for what I didn't do to deter those feelings once I understood how he felt. When it was clear to me that I was leaving Az, I started feeling him out as to how he might take my departure and from what he would say, I gathered that it was going to be a bit messy ending that, but Life was kind and provided me an easy out. Not a good out, not the horrible out I thought might be, but an out nonetheless.

Here, I've been fielding men 'cause so many are not right for me (two men have actually given me their addresses and told me to come by. Uhmmm, sure, I'm that dumb. Besides, you, never 'cause you have desperation written all over you and you, well, I was feeling you, but you just got out of a relationship and I ain't competing with no memories, so no) and because quite honestly, I'm a tad more in love with the idea of finding the love of my life than the actual finding him.

But I have met this guy . . .

These are my TOP TEN REASONS FOR SAYING YES:

10. He's persistant. I appreciate in myself my tenacity, my unwillingness to give up. I like that in him as well.

9. He's black and I haven't dated a black man in 20+ years.

8. He's black and speaks grammatically correct English.

7. He called me on some minor bad behavior (though it wasn't directed toward him personally). I like being held accountable for what I do and don't do.

6. He looks at me like he might, at any minute, go wild and ravish me. I find that very hot.

5. He's got a job. A man's got to come to me with two things that start with "p"-- paycheck and a pe--, well you know what I mean.

4. He compliments me; my ego likes to be stroked just as much as other parts of me.

3. He's unafraid to be vunerable. I respect and appreciate that. I'm terrified of vunerablity and openness. He challenges me to open myself, and it's not just to him but to finish what I'm trying to accomplish and open myself fully to the world and the people around me.

2. I've got some time on my hands.

1. A date is a very good reason to get a new pair of heels.