Writing quote for 1/30/09

Make yourself take the time even if the hours seem fruitless. Ideally, after a few days or weeks of being chained to the desk, you will submit to the story that must be told.

--Walter Mosley, from "This Year You Write Your Novel"

Quote for 1/30/09

The roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best that you can become.

--Harold Taylor

Superbowl Sunday:My Prediction

The Steelers will cream the Cardinals.

A fantastical week!

If I were to put something up on my MySpace page, regarding my mood, it would say sturdy.

Man I am so happy today. Lots of progress towards where I want to be and who I want to be. Rereading "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow" was very good for me. Helped me clarify/solify what I value and vow to keep pressing on toward that:)

Got a story submitted!! Yay. So very long since that had been an occurrence. Now to work back to the days when I'd keep my submissions at 50; reprints and simultaneous. Hopefully two more works will be ready this time next week, though this time next week I hope to be on a house hunting trip where I'm heading.

Anyway, I've got to go make some calls and then I'm bumming the rest of the day.

today was a wonderful day

Did not read the two books in their entirety. Some things I need to think about in the Do What You Love. . . but I know I'm on the right plan. I am a craftsperson. I love to create things with my hands. I need to do what I love.

and the Mosley book, I want to consider some things he says about the writing process. First chapter, he says you have to write every day and I say I don't have to, but I think maybe I should. I could probably accomplish more that way.

Anyway, I got some things done that I was intending to do and so my day ends with a wonderful sense of accomplishment and the feeling that I'm getting somewhere.

Today I'm writing

finally!!!!!!!!

Got a copy of Walter Mosley's This is the Year You Write Your Novel and I pulled out my copy of Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow. Plan to read both today 'cause I have nothing else to do but whatever I want to do.

Then tonight or tomorrow, I'm going to chart out a plan and I'm going to visualize my success-- having a home-based business that delights me and provides me with the income while I write a novel that ends up in Nat Sobel's hands.

Scratch that off the 'to do' list

and that too.

I got some things done today:)

Quote for 1/26/09

You get whatever accomplishment you are willing to declare.

--Georgia O'Keeffe

Writing quote for 01/25/09

You need to get the trust of the one person who's going to make or break the writer in you--yourself.

--Unknown

Quote for 01/25/09

Life's most precious gift is uncertainty.

--Yoshida Kenko

a lot more about writing

especially my writing 'cause, well, this is my blog.

Found some old interviews and I have not completed much of what I had once thought I'd do. I have accomplished some things in terms of my work, but some of those things I spoke about, I wanted to do.

So I'm going to do them. Starting Tuesday. No, I'm not putting it off. Tomorrow, I plan to organize all of my stories/ rewrite some. I don't even know how many stories I've written.

And then there's that novel to get back to. . .

a little less me

I'm going to make some changes at this blog. Not so much GJM; more things of the literary sort.

I have another blog where I'll be writing about my bear/craft business. I'm starting from scratch-- writing out the business plan this time, keeping track of expenses so I can see if I'm profiting, etc.

I've got a knitting class this coming Saturday, a class about seams and edges next month. When I get to where I'm going I'll look into quilting classes.

The hope is that I can work at home in the day doing the crafting thing and write at night. The job I'm looking at (when I leave) also exists on an on-call basis so if plan A (where I don't gotta get out of my pj's to go to work) works, I would do that just as a back-up. That's if I get this project I'm thinking about going 'cause it would provide me with a chunk of change and keep me afloat for awhile.

Anyway we'll see and you'll have to go to www.teddyhugsandthings.blogspot.com to find out what's going on there. Well, don't go right now 'cause there is little there. I hope to work on it this week 'cause I'm unemployed so I've got time;-)

and I got sidetracked last year. I'm going to get back on that list of things I need to do for people. Promises I need to keep.

Got things moved and I only suffered the loss of one fingernail!

Writing quote for 1/23/09

Human kind will prevail. And it will prevail because, in spite of the reaction of history, novels tell that art restores right in us that was disregarded by history. History is being what was, then literature offers what history has not always been.

--Carlos Fuentes

Quote for 1/23/09

Don't let your past decide your future.


--Frederick R. Bliss

Moving day part 2

Tomorrow, much of my belongings (though I really downsized my life) goes into storage. Only the bearmaking stuff, my rough draft stories and books about the craft of writing will remain.

In a week or so, maybe two weeks I'll head out and start looking for another place in another place--hallelujah!

Moving day

Tomorrow. The departure of some will increase the amount of time those of us remaining (for the time being) can spend in the bathroom, while decreasing the amount of time one has to wait to get into the bathroom.

I am taking an oath of sorts to never ever ever live in a place with just one bathroom!

The job is done

Last day of work. Kind of sad but I got some going-away presents including a polar bear and some brownies, one of which was shaped like a bear! Will miss many people, and will not miss some at all!

Anyway, I don't have a job anymore and now I can get down to work.

Writing quote for 1/20/09

Of writing well the source and fountainhead is wise thinking.


--Horace

Quote for 1/20/09

If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.


--Barack Obama

January 20, 2009

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Artistic quote for 1/18/09

It is important to express oneself...provided the feelings are real and are taken from you own experience.

--Berthe Morisot

Quote for 1/18/09

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.

--Bill Shankly

Troy Aikman providing commentary

-- closest any Cowboy's been to the playoffs, heh heh

I think it'd be pretty hard to win a game in the last 7 seconds. . .

but man, those Eagles tried!

Artistic quote for 1/17/09

All true artists, whether they know it or not, create from a place of no-mind, from inner stillness.

--Eckhart Tolle

Quote for 1/17/09

Perfect love sometimes does not come until grandchildren are born.

--Welsh Proverb

You know, I thought T.O. and the Cowboys deserved each other

Over on the Yahoo sports page, there's an article about the Cowboys dumping Terrell Owens. Now I think Romo's the problem but I got a good laugh out of this:

. . . That's just a fact. I don't know what it is about the guy, but it's how things are. Much like a Raiders fan without a criminal record, a happy and cohesive locker room that contains Terrell Owens is just something that can't exist.

a Raiders fan without a criminal record hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Creative quote for 1/16/09

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of childhood into maturity.

— Thomas Huxley

Quote for 1/16/09

The goal of spiritual practice is full recovery, and the only thing you need to recover from is a fractured sense of self.


--Marianne Williamson

I like this growing up stuff

When children grow up in abusive homes, they become wise but they also stay young pyschologically. There's a term "adult children" which means you're considered an adult because of your biological age but you're still a child because emotionally and psychologically, one's thinking is still well, young.

Finally, parts of me are getting caught up with the rest.


And although "adult child" has some negative connotation, I'd like to think that I could be a responsible adult with a child's innocence, sense of wonder, bravery, curiosity and creativity.

Uh, duh

I woke up happy that I didn't have to go to work today and happy that in exactly one week, I'll not have to go to work at all.

There was a voice in my head, critical, of course about my employment history. I decided to listen to it and I had the greatest realization: I have lived my life, for the most part, in reaction to my parents' lives, what I witnessed as a child and those ideas about life that I developed as a result.

I've become aware that I'm overly concerned if men are "fun"-- as if that is the sole criteria for a relationship, but my choices make sense now. I try to live on the other extreme from my parents. Their relationship appeared to me as a child to be painful, so I decided to seek out fun. I've put them on one end and I've raced to be far on the other.

My ideas about money, God, work, people in general, parenting-- all on the opposite side, though in some instances it's a good thing.

Eureka!

And the freedom that comes from awareness!

Balance and responsibility. Those two items -- my life rafts.

Getting on with other parts of my life

I'm going to start accepting credit cards. I need $95 for a set-up fee and $199 for a machine, though BOA will credit the $199 back after a year when I open up a business checking account.

Seeing how quickly I can do that, 'cause being able tp take credit cards will increase my cash flow tremendously.

I see my new place already. Another vision to manifest. I've already had a taste of what it would be like to have a craft room and a writing room, though the craft room I'm envisioning has a serger and a quilting frame 'cause in my dreams (that I want to make reality)I'm sewing at a different level and I'm quilting, keeping my grandmother in me alive.

And I think I'm conducting a workshop at a writing affair in a major city. Waiting for a yay or nay.

Road Trip

I met this man at an online writing group and I'm going to go to California to meet him.

No, no it's not like that. A good friendship. He is a supporter of my work and he is interested in my life and shares the moments of his own. He's funny and simply wonderful. When I went to California previously I tried to plan a sidetrip to meet him and his wife, but the roads were closed due to weather (he lives in a mountainous area). Same deal last year, though I decided not to go to San Francisco after all.

This year, though, he's told me there's not been much snow so the roads are open.

Clear sailing! Yahoo!

Writing quote for 1/14/09

We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.


--Ray Bradbury

Quote for 1/14/09

Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself.


--Joseph Campbell

day 7

7?

uhm, Gwendolyn shouldn't it be day 14?

Well, what happened was. . .

I went to meet someone at the bar and grill where he works. He had stepped out momentarily and the manager invited me to wait. I sat down at the bar and when the manager said, "Would you like something to drink while you're waiting?" I said, "A Coke."

I took a sip, thought to myself 'this tastes funny,' but proceeded to slurp the whole thing down.

Later, when I was leaving, it hit me that I'd just drank a soda! Argh! Climb back up on the wagon.

Okay, it's day 7.

I gave my notice at work and am suffering from a case of "so-what-if-I-don't-show-up-again, what'll-they-do, fire-me" itis

but that's not why I'm home today.

I'm sick. Bleh.

But I will find the strength (now that I have the time) to:

cancel the newspaper

write my intent to vacate letter

do some math and see if B.B.King in Feb is a possibility

finish my packing

Let's get one thing straight

I was happy as anyone to see Mr. Obama become president, however, the political cartoons that depict Abraham Lincoln as being happy about it are bogus.

Lincoln didn't believe Blacks and Whites were equal. He didn't think Blacks should be enslaved and treated badly as they were (he was a sympathetic man) but, believing there was no way a freed Black race could live within the White man's society, he was seeking to send Blacks somewhere. To Liberia, possibly Central America.

Frederick Douglass baulked at the idea of leaving America. Of Lincoln, Douglass said:

Abraham Lincoln was not, in the fullest sense of the word, either our man or our model. In his interests, in his associations, in his habits of thought, and in his prejudices, he was a white man.

He was preeminently the white man’s President, entirely devoted to the welfare of white men. He was ready and willing at any time during the first years of his administration to deny, postpone, and sacrifice the rights of humanity in the colored people to promote the welfare of the white people of this country. In all his education and feeling he was an American of the Americans. He came into the Presidential chair upon one principle alone, namely, opposition to the extension of slavery. His arguments in furtherance of this policy had their motive and mainspring in his patriotic devotion to the interests of his own race. To protect, defend, and perpetuate slavery in the states where it existed Abraham Lincoln was not less ready than any other President to draw the sword of the nation. He was ready to execute all the supposed guarantees of the United States Constitution in favor of the slave system anywhere inside the slave states. He was willing to pursue, recapture, and send back the fugitive slave to his master, and to suppress a slave rising for liberty, though his guilty master were already in arms against the Government. The race to which we belong were not the special objects of his consideration. Knowing this, I concede to you, my white fellow-citizens, a pre-eminence in this worship at once full and supreme. First, midst, and last, you and yours were the objects of his deepest affection and his most earnest solicitude. You are the children of Abraham Lincoln. We are at best only his step-children; children by adoption, children by forces of circumstances and necessity.


So Mr. Lincoln would not be saying "Yes!" and doing that hand gesture of success as one cartoon depicted. If anything, on January 20, 2009, he would more likely be rolling over in his grave.

Test #2

I need to make a space for a man.
Not too much available with practically all of my children (and the grandson now) living with me.

Everyone's moving out of this house and for some, I had to say, "You can't come back. I'm trying to have my own life and you have to grow up."

Wasn't easy and there was some grumbling.

But my kids have to grow up.

I do too.

Test #1

So I decided to get committed. I would do those things that would get me where I want to go.

And, as I've mentioned before, the minute you decide to quit drinking, someone appears with a six-pack!

I ran into this guy that I hadn't seen in years. You ever have a so-I-won't-feel-so-lonely-friend? Well, that's what this guy is to me. Never had sex with him, but he was fun, lots of fun. Nice distraction.

"I still work at the same place," he said. "Call me."

I'm just dating at the moment. Calling him would not infringe on anything. Hell, calling him would guarantee me fun, but. . .

it would be a detour off the road.

If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

I'm reading a book about how to have, be and do anything (within reason) and I told myself the same story I've been selling for awhile now that I want to find the love of my life and get married.

The book outlines the path one takes to achieve something and I can easily see how I've used it, consciously and not, to get some things I've wanted, get a work published or to go see/meet B.B. King and I wondered why, as the post says and which is also the title of another book, I haven't been able to accomplish the goal of a primary love relationship. The reason: I'm not committed to the idea. Committment is the point where one takes the idea/dream and begins to do things in the physical world which brings about its manifestation.

When I mention that I'd like to get married, I'm asked why and my response is to have sex 'cause I've been practicing celibacy and that's getting old. Even when I pray to God about helping me find a mate, what I say is so that I won't sin against you.

No wonder I get no help! Sex is not what makes a marriage.


So I thought about the marriages I've seen that are good and wondered what kind of people have those kind of marriages and I wondered if I could become one of them.

Could I keep a man in his place behind my God, but before my children, my job, myself?

Could I seek out the God in that man and bow before it?

Could I seek out the prince in that man and submit to his rulership?

Could I seek out the little boy in that man and delight in his innocence?

Could I accept the humanness of that man and accept his weakness?

Could I inspire him, could I follow him? Could I make a space in my heart that he could call home, could that place be warm and comforting and nourishing?

Could I be that kind of a woman?

Could I?

Quote for 1/09/09

Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.


--Greg Anderson

Writing quote for 1/09/09

For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me.


--Jack Dann

You are invited

Every February, the city celebrates "For The Love of Art." It focuses a lot on visual art, though in its beginnings, it was open to various talents; I'd read and performed comedy in the early years.

This year "For The Love Of Lit" will be included and I have been invited to participate and read!

It's time to get back to that writing career. Stopped doing stuff in early December 'cause there was money to be made making bears.

But I want to write. And this is how I got into my writing years ago. An invitation to read and I started sitting my butt in a chair before a computer . . .

Sarah Palin, return to whence thou came

Oh stop yer belly-aching. Even if Ms. Kennedy lacks experience, she probably has an Ivy League education, a far more fascinating family history and if nothing else, some really good "Ah-nuld" stories.

Quote for 1/08/09

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

--Maria Robinson

Artistic quote for 1/08/09

An artist's duty is rather to stay open-minded and in a state where he can receive information and inspiration. You always have to be ready for that little artistic Epiphany.


--Nick Cave

Sometimes if you wait long enough, you get exactly what you want

and on sale!

My kitchen has this country farm animal theme and last year when I returned, I went into this shop and fell in love with this cow thing. A piece of wood sculpture, a plant stand, I don't know how to describe it, but my love for it and my desire to have it could never justify what they were asking but during the holiday season, it was marked down 60% off. I called to see if it was there because I now had the asking price, but the price has gone to 75% off!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Off to make myself happy some more.

yay yay yay

I got a Mastercard paid off! My immediate thought was to go shopping--but hold on there Missy, that there's insurance. Put that card away, little girl and start paying off that line of credit.

And some unexpected money. I love when that happens.

It costs to get where you want to go. Sometimes it costs psychologically, sometimes emotionally, sometimes it just cold hard cash!

Creativity Quote for 1/05/09

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.


--Nietzsche

Quote for 1/05/09

If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page

--Mark Houlahan

Off to Office Max

for a new calendar (I posted previously that I couldn't believe it was time to buy another but I didn't buy one)

and some boxes. I am pretty much packed except for the books. "This place looks like it did when we first moved in," my daughter said. Only my craft room is still up 'cause between Xmas and Valentine's, it's bearmaking season.

"What are you going to do with all those plants," she asked.

Hmmm, 97 at last count. Gonna try to take them all. Somehow.

Writing quote for 1/04/09

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.

-- William Wordsworth

Quote for 1/04/09

We have a choice: to plow new ground or let the weeds grow.

--Jonathan Westover

So we'll not have a new governor

Bill Richardson stepping away from the table at Mr. Obama's banquet.

Too bad.

I'm sure giving up that opportunity wasn't worth the $1.4 mil in question.

Day 4

Salivating like Pavlov's dog at the sound of the soda can opening behind me in the cafeteria.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What to do what to do what to do

I did not get a job change and the job I currently have, I love, except the schedule. The hours I worked changed temporarily and it was really nice but now the schedule's back to how I hated it and why I was seeking another position.

I was ready to give my notice this week, but something's come up and if I stay at the job till I actually leave Las Cruces, then I will have some bargaining chips for my next position that I have to call someone about again tomorrow 'cause I want to make sure this job's a sure thing before I leave and end up like I did in Nashville this summer, thinking I've got a job and when I get there, well, I don't.

But I don't want to stay at this job. But sometimes you have to just get through something, knowing that it's for something better on down the line, but still. . .

What to do? I ask. What to do?

The wait is excruiating!!!!

Those moments between the time grandkids are supposed to arrive





and the time they actually do.

yes, yes, I know. . .

there were 3 last things.

4, if you count this;-P

My last publication in 2008

My short-short "The Preacher's Daughters" in the Winter issue of Moondance. Click the link over on the side.

Writing quote for January 3, 2009

But that's another story


--Rudyard Kipling

Quote for January 3, 2009

I can look at the future with anticipation. And it's comforting to know that someday, as Christians, we'll be able to look back and have a little more clarity on why certain things in life happened.

--Amy Grant

1 last thing

Was watching a movie, but kind of nodded off during part of it, left for a few minutes but when I came back there was Frances Albert Sinatra singing "Old Man River."

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

He was such a hottie.

What I'm looking forward to in 2009

Ha! ANYTHING!

Who knows what will happen!

It will be an adventure, though. Join me:)

What I learned in 2008

*God is merciful. And kind. And even if I don't trust Him completely, He loves me completely.

*That forgiveness, given or received, is the sweetest balm.

*That you cannot look into the face of a newborn and not feel blessed.

*That men don't mind that I wear a size six jean as much as I do.

*That it's okay to ignore some items on the grocery list if it means you can buy yourself a bouquet of sunflowers.

*That having an aquarium of fish is NOT like having a cat.

*That Love is truly the only game in town. I may not fully understand the rules/instructions to it, but I'm going to keep playing anyway.

Whenever I call you friend

Went back to the Farmer's Market with my bears and ran into people, friends. Collected phone numbers and email addresses.

I have friends. I have people in my life who love to spend time with me. I just need to keep in contact.

I can't whine about not having what I won't reach for.

Day three

I have not had a carbonated drink for three days now.

Not trying this time. Doing.

Gatorade and fruit juice stocked up in the fridge.

When I go to mycokerewards.com, I ask for coupons for lemonade and Vault.

But those last few days of December, I was sooooooooooooo hitting the bottle. . .
and the aluminum cans;-)

Ireland

????

the organization putting out the anthology is waiting for grant money so the date for the book launch may change.

I may be able to attend or I might not.

If I don't make the book launch, my daughter and I will go to Ireland during Spring Break in March.

"Imagine if you met an Irishman, and you just stayed there and married him," my daughter said.

I've dated men from various countries, including Turkey and Iraq. I once had this thing for this Japanese guy who was the hottest Japanese guy I'd ever seen. An Irishman was once interested in me but in the end, he said I was "quite a pip."

I thought it was a compliment, but he explained it wasn't.

Not at all, my wee lassie.

Anyway, I think this was to get me to start thinking about international travel, 'cause Lyfe Jennings said there's a whole world waiting for me.

Nix that MFA

Not applying. I don't even use the degrees I have.


A MFA means I could teach again 'cause it's almost a necessity at some colleges but I don't want to teach. I love sharing what I know but grading papers, organizing assignments, etc. not interested.

I just need money. So I'm hunting down grants, esp. ones for women writers and throwing my hat in the ring.

Conspiracy Theory

So awhile came sooner than I thought! I'm back. Life decided that I should not wait till months from now to deal with stuff so it used my 16-year old son to help push me where I need to be.

My son and I rarely talk. He is 16 and he doesn't want to be bothered by his mother so he's free to do as he pleases as long as he lets me know where he's going to be and he doesn't keep my dishes in his room till mold is growing on them. It's important that a boy separate from his mother and I'm allowing my son to do this; it's not personal, it's his initiation and I'll not interrupt that.

Anyway, my son who rarely talks to me asked me to join him in his room to watch a movie. I would not say no to the chance to spend time with him. It was a good movie. Another son was headed out to a friend's to watch the Dallas Cowboys (lose again, cough, cough) and asked Josh (the 16-year-old) if the movie was going to be over soon. Josh was going to watch the Cowboys (lose) as well. "It's almost over," he said.

Older brother asked what the movie was about and Josh gave a quick synposis.

"Does the guy die at the end?" Charlie asked.

Josh said yes.

"What!" I yelled. "You said it wasn't a sad movie!"

I knew how close I was to crying and as you can tell from my last post I was intent on holding those floodgates back for a month or so.

Josh said, "I don't remember what happens at the end," but I knew the guy was going to die, which he did and when my sons left and I was alone in the house, I cried.

I cried.

I cried.

But I'm so much better for it. Clarity and some peace. The other day I listened to more songs from Lyfe Jenning's first album and found this song called "Smile" which seemed to sum up where I'm at. Some partial lyrics:

. . . I'm leaving all that darkness behind me
Making changes in my life
So when that sunshine finally finds me
I can stand fully in the light
Spread my wings and reach for sky
I never felt so alive


(chorus)Honey child there's a whole world waiting on you
Took a while but we finally made it through
Go 'head you can smile now all that darkness' behind you
Smile. Smile. Smile.

I'm leaving all those grudges behind me
Throwing fear out the window
So when these blessings come to find me
They will have room to breathe and grow
Let my blessings overflow and get my life under control

(chorus)Honey child there's a whole world waiting on you
Took a while but we finally made it through
Go 'head you can smile now all that darkness' behind you
Smile. Smile. Smile.


Healing I've learned is like an onion. Layers and layers and while I anticipated drama and great pain, well, it just isn't there. I did that long ago. I'm strong enough to face the core-- the deepest wounds. No need for drama, some tears yes, but compassion and a deeper understanding and acceptance of it all.

Approaching it with a beginner's mind and a child's curiousity. What does it mean to me now and what can I do with it.

And the conspiracy theory:

You could not cry in the household I grew up in. My mother would "give you something to cry about" if you did. Whenever a Hallmark movie was on tv, I was sure to watch it, 'cause I could release some tears to a point. You could cry over a movie but nothing else. I have a tolerance for holding emotions in and Life knew I needed to cry now not at some later date so it arranged for Josh to get me to watch the sad movie and cry:-)

Sad movies do me in every time.