Saturday, December 31, 2005

A journey of a thousand miles always begins with one step.
-- Ancient Egyptian Proverb.
Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it.
-- Unknown.
Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the hell with sugar and spice.
-- Unknown.

Tabula rasa

--scraped or blank tablet--

I'm excited about a new year. New possibilities. Chances to start over (again, hee hee).

Remember that last Calvin & Hobbes cartoon? Where they're on a sled and there's nothing but opportunity before them? Tha'ts how I feel-- full of possibilty and curiousity for all that's yet to come.

Can it be midnight already?

Friday, December 30, 2005

Be proud of me!

No, I didn't win anything. I didn't write anything. No, I don't have the refrigerator cleaned or my application for funding ready or nothing. I've still got one day in 2005 to do all that--Ha!

No, yesterday I stood in the plant aisle at Target, coveting a button fern and telling myself that if I bought it and it died, it would only be $2.50 wasted, and then I reminded myself that if I bought the fern and it died, it would be another living creature (roaches notwithstanding) that I'd killed when I didn't have to.

So I put the fern down and walked on.

Obviously, you've never read Proverbs 31

I have been taken to task for believing in submission. Why is submitting to one's husband such a bad thing????? People submit all the time. At your workplace, you submit to the organization's goals, don't you? People piss me off at the restaurant, but I can't tell them to go up the street to McDonald's. I submit to my boss's desires. And we submit to the laws of the land-- you wear your seatbelt, don't you? And you drive on the right hand side of the road? So submission isn't new. Just in light of the women's lib movement, it's gotten a bad rap.

Every man is not to blame for what's happened to women before. Sheesh. Every man is not the enemy.

Also, someone thinks that I'll become this docile robot. Not a chance. I aim to be a woman as described below in Proverbs 31. This woman is working hard for her family and her community, using her talents to benefit her life and the lives of others.

Her husband trusts her and that's the kind of wife I want to be. My baby ain't gonna have to worry 'cause I WILL HAVE HIS BACK!

And I won't "tone" down who I am for a man. I'm an intelligent, ambitious, talented lady. I couldn't, wouldn't and don't want someone who'd feel that my gifts are a challenge or threat to "him" when they, in fact, would be an asset to "us."


"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and no evil all the days of her life.

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She is like the merchants' ship; she bringeth her food from afar.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."

Proverbs 31:10-31

Rock on!

Eddie loaned me her truck so I could get some running around accomplished. The other day I was going to run some errands and my daughter Kara wanted to come along.

"You're not listening to the radio," I warned her. She likes rock and punk and changes the station first thing.

She said okay.

I put a cd that Sylvia had burned from downloaded songs in the stereo.

"Is this music from the 80's?"my daughter asked, her face wrinkled.

"Yep. And late 70's. Old school," I told her. Roger, Cameo, Peaches & Herb.

Kara rolled her eyes.

I just grinned and turned the volume up a notch. Really, three.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

This is for my grandmother

She died in December a few years ago. I miss her.




When I was going to get married, you gave me a quilt.
The Wedding Ring, but the links were doubled. You had pieced
and sewed it by hand and it was beautiful, meant to grace
my marriage bed. I thought
you’d change your mind when I changed
mine, but you let me keep it anyway.
maybe, one day


Your work was always on display at the County Fair.
The state recognized you as a contemporary, traditional quiltmaker and your quilts hung
in the Palace of the Governors. A magazine article and a splash
of fame in the life of a maid.

Later, when I worked for the Smithsonian, I offered your name
for the folklife program. The local coordinator was surprised.
Rosie Brooks is your grandmother? he asked.
And I smiled big, proud to say yes.
So proud.


I only wanted to learn"The Bear Claw." So much a little girl, collecting plush and porcelain.
The other names meant nothing to me — “The Log Cabin,” “Strip,” “Flower Baskets.”

A “Britches Quilt” was what your family poor, black and in Texas
made to keep warm. Old britches were always saved. Your daddy’s and your brothers’.
But I only wanted to learn "The Bear Claw." And I didn’t want anything made from leftovers.


Before you forgot who I was, you gave me
all the quilt tops you had. Of ten grandchildren, only I
loved to sew. I dropped by a quilt shop, once,
bought muslin, but not the batting. You kept asking
and I made excuses.

Later, when you left the hospital, in those days of your dying,
I would tell you how I was finally making progress.
I even promised to bring you a quilt for your medical bed
in your daughter’s house. Yes, I lied.
But I didn’t care because talking of quilts made you smile.


Almost Christmas. A year after your death. At a craft show,
a woman stands and watches me stitch a bear by hand.
She asks if I ever prick myself
and goes on to share how hand quilters often leave drops
of blood in the seams. Later at home, I unpack the quilt tops,
lay them across the living room floor.
On my knees, I search the stitches
for that which also flows through my veins.
Search for what I need in order
to do what you have entrusted to me, and finish it all.

Today's DailyOM

Read this


I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna get everything cross country. I will not leave behind my 80 houseplants and the various aquariums and terrariums of turtles. Not going without my dog, either.

Nothing short of everything

That's what I want.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

And congrats to an amazing writer

There are few writers that I wish I were instead of me. Myfanwy Collins is one of those writers. Go to her blog

Raw, intimate and emotional-- that's her talent.

She recently placed in Night Train's Richard Yates Short Story Competition:

Yates Winners!

3rd Place/Honorable Mention: Myfanwy Collins, Freak Magnet
and she had a second story in the mix as well.

Other Finalists

Myfanwy Collins, The Truth About Bears

A yahoo for her as well!

Yay! Susan

Congrats! Her book "Trattoria" has been nominated for a Romantic Times Reviewer's Choice Award!!

(Did you buy it like I told you to?)

Yay! Yay! Yay! So there-- Amanda Killgore;-p


Personal note to Susan: I soooo love Jimmy Stewart. $1 aisle at Target is currently sale priced at 50 cents and there was a dvd with two old movies starring him. I don't think there's a such thing as a bad Jimmy Stewart movie, so I dropped those two quarters!

Damn, at half a buck, I should have picked one up for you. Next trip--just drop your address;-)

A tin, with snowmen on it, and sugar cookies inside

all for a buck 34-- X-mas clearance aisle at Target.

Nah, it don't take much to make me happy:)

But before 2006, I've got to:

1) Get application to Money for Women

2) Get Dec. 31 postmark on a contest entry

3) Clean the refrigerator out

4) Call Goodwill (again)

E.O.Y. (End Of Year) Assessment

In retrospect, it wasn't all that bad. Ha ha.

In my hands and power to make 2006 incredibly awesome.


1) Finish the framing of kids' pictures and artwork that I started back in, uhm, 2002!

2) Get back to my painting in a serious way-- have a show/reading-- "Paintings, Prose and Poetics" --by the end of the year. I have this cool coffeehouse/gallery in my hometown that I'm going to "convince" to host it.

3) Go to Crockett, Texas, and get the information I need to finish a novel-in-stories

4) Get to Africa

5) read more books!!

Ever have an utterly delicious day?

That was today, even if it was f*****g hot outside.

This next year I MOVE

I need to move from here. I am a fern not a cactus. I thought I wanted to go to St. Louis but that was a second choice made 'cause I didn't see how I could make NY happen.

So the Northeast is the place I want to live. Maryland is gorgeous and I do love NY, but the three choices came down to 1) Westchester, PA; 2) anyplace in Vermont; and 3) anyplace in Maine.

Vermont has won out and ever since I picked the city, its been popping up or now just I'm noticing it more. (Like when you decide you want a certain car and then everywhere, everyone's driving it, like that)

In January, maybe February, I fly out there and open a bank account so I can start stashing cash away and get a p.o. box. Am very excited 'cause suddenly some things that seemed to have a hold on me here have loosened their grip.


It's 70 degrees outside

so very not winter:(

Monday, December 26, 2005

Hey, Steve, I may not be THAT smart

Steve is a regular at the restaurant. We discuss things literaturely. He read "the Known World" 'cause I recommended it(though he wasn't as crazy about the work as I) and he spent the $18 for a mug with my story on it (though he said the work was more orientated for women, but he still drinks his coffee from it). He suggested I read Jorge Louis Borges but I couldn't get to the library to get a work, so Steve bought me "Ficciones" for x-mas.

I flipped to the story "The Library of Babel," which Steve recommended and wants to discuss. YIKES! YIKES! YIKES!

This is gonna be harder than a Toni Morrison work!

The Man Show Part 2

Uhm, okay. A show to counter all the "women-oriented" works on television, 'cept it plays to the lowest common denominator.

I personally believe men are more intelligent than this show believes its demographic to be. I understand the need for titties but really, fart jokes are sooooooooooooo juvenile.

The Man Show

walked in my youngest son's bedroom and he was watching this.


So this and the fact that he's going to Hooters on his birthday this Saturday says he's not "my little boy" no more :(

"You'll shoot your eye out"

So, how many times did you watch "A Christmas Story"? Twice was my limit.

"Home Alone"-- once is enough though necessary.

"Jumanji"-- on two different channels at the same time. Flipping back and forth between the two just to be nutty.

"It's A Wonderful Life"-- could not find it on any channel. Is it not played during the season? (Am not a huge tv fan so I don't know) will probably have to buy it on DVD, if available, so I can watch whenever. Don't you just love Jimmy Stewart??

Back to the grindstone

It's Monday morning-- already????


Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Elton's a married man!

Elton John got hitched over in England. In another lifetime, such an event would have broken my heart.

Well, such an event did when years ago he married a woman on the same Valentine's Day that Eddie ("Two Tickets To Paradise") Money decided to take the plunge as well. Such a black holiday that was to my young heart!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I want you . . . well, maybe I don't. . .

I'm surprised EVERY time a solicited work ends up rejected. Silly, silly me.

In my dream house, in my dream life . . .

I have a gazillion Boston Ferns which are green and lush and flourishing.

In the real world, however, I have killed my last one (sigh).

Monday, December 19, 2005

Your house, yourself

Interesting, interesting. Found this in another blog, so thanks to Didi.

Draw a house

Take the test

Some of the things my drawing said about me felt true, or at least I want them to be true about myself. Some others like "You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible" is waaaaaay wrong.

How 'bout you and your house?

Sunday, December 18, 2005

just random stuff

I've been sick all weekend. Though I'm a writer, I'll spare you the details/descriptions of my various aches and bodily functions. Let's just say it wasn't good.

I HATE being sick. ugh. (What a dumb statement-- like anybody likes being sick? so anyway . . . )


Went bowling last night. Haven't bowled in forever. Gutter ball after gutter ball after gutter ball.


I got my first utility bill since turning on the heat. YIKES! Everybody at my house is gonna take to wearing parkas and scarfs and gloves!

Friday, December 16, 2005

I've decided the sweetest moment in the morning

is when that last kid heads out to meet the school bus.

I've got nothing!

as Joe likes to say.

My world has suddenly taken on a quiet tone.

Lovin' it : )

Thursday, December 15, 2005


There has been an issue in my life, a fundamental one, that I couldn't seem to get past. Life kept giving me situations similar to the original so that I could work through it but I kept running away or missing the opportunity or ignoring the possibility of the lesson.

But since I'm working toward my greatest growth, the issue made its appearance at my job one day and another and then another, frustrating me, 'cause every scheduled work day, I'd stress, wondering if I was going to have to deal with it. Of course at some point , I decided to work with it, started turning it over and examining it 'cause I've wanted nothing more than to be done with it!

Yesterday, it was resolved.

The earth didn't quake and lightening bolts didn't fill the sky. In the middle of the situation, I just "got it;" a quiet understanding (finally) of what I was to claim. I was so ecstatic Eddie thought I was nuts, I'm sure.

Events that repeat themselves are the unconscious' call for healing. Something happened to me in my childhood, that was out of my control. I decided something about myself that was an untruth and life has been trying to move me away from that lie and to MY truth. Every situation following was then, of course, a metaphor. Yesterday, I had the chance to voice what I couldn't say before and then boom, there-- it's all taken care of.


Another bit of peace in my life-- sweet, sweet, sweet.

Up 'til 2

eating pancakes at Village Inn with Eddie.

Did not work on story at all.

Daughter's concert was wonderful.

I'm sleeping 'til it's time for work.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Oh, come on

What's with those popcorn-in-the-tin manufacturers this year??? I try to buy a tin every year if I can 'cause I collect them.

I've been to several stores lately, but I can't find one that's so absolutely cute that I have to have it. Saw only one with bears on it and it wasn't THE ONE.

Maybe it's a sign from Life that I should forgo a tin and buy that margarita kit instead;-)

marathon day & night

I have to work this morning, attend another student concert this evening and then stay up all night finishing my next contest entry.

It will be a loooooooooooooong day and night. Have until 6 p.m. tomorrow to get the postmark and where the heck am I gonna come up with the $10 entry fee???

Okay, one thing at a time. Let me get the story DONE before I fret the other stuff.

Up late baking cookies

After my daughter's choir concert, we went to the grocery store for stuff to make more cookies.

(My kids couldn't believe how quickly the last batch went--HA!)

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

No spanking for me

I've been a very, very good girl today. Three works out to three magazines.

I can go play now, right?

I guess I wasn't invited

to T.O.'s birthday bash 'cause I called him an ass in an earlier post?

Guess I'll withhold the $5 million gift I was gonna give him;-)


I ate the last of the holiday cookies we baked last night.


don't tell my kids

but, where is it written that a really good mom gives up that LAST one?

I have only one goal for today (anything else I do will be bonuses)

Get three very short pieces I've been tinkering with done and in the mail (yes, Bookworm kept me from finishing that work the other day)

Okay, this HAS GOT TO BE metaphorical

I received a booklet from the one of the hospitals in town. It said that they heard I was "expecting" and wanted to offer me their services. The booklet was about their birthing rooms and such.

???????? (though the pictures of the babies were adorable)


ha ha ha ha ha-- am I on some wrong mailing list!

Later I thought about it in a different way and I realized that I am expectant at this time.

I'm looking forward to being with a man in intimate ways and creating something amazing, birthing a love nothing short of miraculous.

Monday, December 12, 2005

I think Arnold will say "no"

to Tookie Williams' request for clemency.

Political reasons, you understand Mr. Williams. Perhaps yours is a story of redemption, but I've got a career to think about. This is California, you know, and certain things have to be calculated so that one's career moves ahead. Nothing personal, you understand. Not at all.

I was, you remember,the terminator.


How can Dec. 15th be just around the corner???

My latest contest submission isn't even close to being ready.


Sunday, December 11, 2005

The Official Burlesque Reading Schedule (D.C.)

Lolita & Gilda's Burlesque Poetry Hour
Poets taking it off (the last Monday of every month at Bar Rouge in Dupont Circle)

(** Rules are you gotta take *something* off after you read)

2006 Reading Schedule
January 30
Kim Addonizio, Deborah Landau, Matthew Zapruder

February 27
Bruce Covey, David McAleavey, Kim Roberts

March 27
Michael Ball, Gina Myers, Henry Israeli

April 24 - An All Girl Affair!
Amy King, Lauren Bender, Heidi Lynn Staples

May 29 - Boys Nite, aka Sausage Party
Anthony Robinson, Dan Nester, Karl Parker

June 26
Ken Rumble, Fred Pollack, Evie Shockley

July 31
Sandra Beasley, Josh Corey, TBA

August 28
Natalie Illum, Michael Schiavo, TBA

September 25 - FOURSOME!
Gwendolyn Mintz, Emily Lloyd, Moira Egan, Jeffrey Levine

October and November readers to be announced later

Wishing Richard Pryor


Change o' plans

I hadn't been feeling a writing vibe for awhile. Perfect timing 'cause I could spend my time making bears and get some extra money during this season. I've been doing that. But now suddenly my writer side wants to make a reappearance.

A new story days ago. A novella I'd outline 20 years ago crystallizes and starts writing itself yesterday. This morning, while brushing my teeth, lines for a piece I'd given up on revising for awhile start popping in my head. I'm running down the hall, while foaming at the mouth, to my desk so I can write them down before I forget.

That work will go out today [but not until after I've played Bookworm ;-) ]

So I'm a writer now (again).

Coincidence? I think not.

I needed one bookshelf to have all needed for the family room. It was on sale at Office Max, but I was not going to have the money to get it.

I'd been envisioning the bookcase in the place it was to go and I was so ready to get the books, pictures, knick-knacks up off the floor and into it. I felt frustrated that I was going to have to wait longer. It didn't feel -- I won't say fair, 'cause I've learned not to expect "fairness" in life; you get what you get, learn to play the hand you're dealt the best you can-- but it didn't feel "something" along that line.

So Friday, my daughter needed chicken for a class dinner and I decided I'd rather have KFC deal with the grease and all. She needed it at a certain time -- an hour before I had to go to work. KFC is across from the bank and the restaurant where I work is just across the street. The high school is just down from them all.

The plan was to go get the chicken, take it to the school and then loiter at my job. KFC was busy so I decided to go drop my things off at work and go back. When I got to the restaurant, a waitress had an emergency situation and had to leave. She wanted me to stay for her.

As long as she'd go get the chicken and deliver it to the high school office, I told her I would.


I was hoping to make just enough to get the shelf. I did + the part of the rent I didn't have AND enough to order pizza.

Life is good.

my addiction grows

I love the computer game "Bookworm"-- it's like scrabble.

I have this thing for words(I used to read the dictionary for fun, I won the spelling bee when I was in 4th grade and I used to hug spelling books like old friends), so easy to see how this game where you assemble words could be a fav.

I've been playing for months but was unable to get past the "supreme archivist" level. Yesterday though I DID IT!

Two levels higher-- never heard the titles before (don't even remember them) just remember the excitement of finally moving up.

And yes, I'm off to play it again in a bit : )
"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are"
~~Joseph Campbell
"You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when. You can decide how you're going to live now"
~~ Joan Baez
"It is never too late to be what you might have been"

~~George Eliot

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Ludwig probably didn't have syphilis

If so, unusual amounts of mercury would have been present in the hair sampling from Beethoven's head, as mercury was used for that STD at that time.

Instead, it appears one of the world's greatest composers died, not of mercury but lead poisoning.


Friday, December 09, 2005

You're killing me!!!!

Logistics. Ugh. I'm working on two stories that excite me 'cause they are so unlike what I've allowed myself to write, but timing is everything in both stories and it's killing me.

In one story I need a certain practice to happen years before it really did, I need a man ( a real person who is pivotal to the work) to die 10 years before he actually did and I need a certain performer at a place where he wasn't at that particular time-- all so I can create this one moment in the work--HA! I'd have to be a real kick-ass writer to pull that kind of "suspending belief."

But in a way I'm thankful for the problems. Makes me dig deeper, work more.

Maybe this is the story. . . or this. . .

Cool to be engaged in the process at another level. To allow myself the thrill of discovery and not just stubbornly work with what I believed to be the story.

reading in Atlanta

A much closer possibility!! A detail or two, maybe three, that needs to be taken care of and I'm there!

Okay, in stone: in April, I'm reading in my hometown; in September, I'm in Washington D.C.; I'm in Illnois at some point.

If Atlanta happens, I've only got eight months to work on. Still gonna try for the Miami Book Festival 'cause I loved Miami. January is just around the corner. Maybe too close to try? We'll see.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

I'm a woman so I can . . .

change my mind.

Gonna play hookie. No writing for me today. (yes, again)

There is very good reason that the "Procrastinator's Creed " is by my desk.

Later : ) & have a grand day!

Bears, bears, bears

I am in love with this stuffed teddy bear by Gund named Timber. I hid him at the store 'til I've got the money to get him.

Hope he stays "hibernated" 'til then.

So, yesterday, I wrote a new story

Finally, and it felt good. Maybe today I'll do another one;-)

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


This book is a definite buy. Read this and try not to want more:

It's okay, Ernie

Just read this at a website:

"When I don't write, I feel like shit"-- Ernest Hemingway

getting there

So, earlier, I wrote that I was trying to do three things-- write a novel, get my house in order, and manifest the love of my life.

Well, the novel is a bust. Not that I care. Other people want me to write a novel; I'm quite happy churning out stories, thank you.

Called Goodwill again. Cleared out the storage room attached to my house, but I've got another 10' x 10' rental that I've got to clear out. By year's end. The house is getting in order, yes. Made myself throw away things. And bookshelves are on sale this week. Down to just one needed for the family room.

The love of my life -- have decided a date by which time I will be in contact with him. A friend expressed some skepticism, but an article I read said to set a date and work toward it. Makes sense. If you have a guest coming on a certain date, you prepare yourself for that, right? When I went to read in Miami, I knew I had to be there on a certain date and I had to be ready so I did the things I needed to do to make sure that event happened-- same difference.

I have since engraved that date on my heart. Between then and now, I am preparing myself-- making the place for him in my life, my heart, my bed (as another article suggested -- uhm, hell, yeah!)

I'm all giddy and curious (are you him? I'll smile at you, just in case). Working with doubts-- letting go of fears--recognizing what wonderful gifts I can bring to a relationship.

This morning, the Daily OM is on partnerships -- I like this, from that the article:

"If we have the courage to recognize our reflections in each other, we can grow through our partnerships. A partnership that offers both acceptance of who we are and an opportunity for personal transformation can be fertile ground for growing a healthy, lasting union. When we find this kind of partnership, we are more likely to want to keep it, invest in it, and nurture it.

Life is a collaborative effort. Much of what we do can be enhanced through partnership. Together we are stronger because our personal power is multiplied by two. Through partnership we experience the joys of working, living, and loving together."

That's what I want to create.

But there's got to be a starting place so I am turning up the amp on the things men compliment me on--I like hearing that I'm hot, that I'm sweet and that I'm warm. I've pulled out the booty jeans, I'm demonstrating my caring by my actions more often than I already do, and rather than judge people who cross my path and annoy me (hey, I try hard to be a good person, but I'm human still) , I'm working on compassion-- that we are all doing the best we can, given the circumstances.

Growing. And that's what a relationship should support, even one that's still in my imaginings;-) No matter!

He's on his way and as long as he doesn't show up AT THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, I'm good to go.

crunching through the brittle leaves

cable sweaters
found pecans on the ground
hot chocolate with whipped cream, chocolate syrup and candy sprinkles

what I love about Fall.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Living within the metaphor

I was talking to Nena last night and I found myself overexplaining my belief in myth and metaphor. I hate when I do that.

Myth and metaphor are powerful agents in one's life or could be if one allows it.

I like this, that Joseph Campbell said about it:

" . . . mythology is not a lie, mythology is poetry, it is metaphorical. It has been well said that mythology is the penultimate truth - penultimate because the ultimate cannot be be put into words. It is beyond words, beyond images, beyond the bounding rim of the Buddhist Wheel of Becoming. Mythology pitches the mind beyond that rim, to what can be known but not told. So this is the penultimate truth.

It's important to live life with the experience, and therefore the knowledge, of its mystery and your own mystery. This gives life a new radiance, a new harmony, a new splendor. Thinking in mythological terms helps to put you in accord with the inevitables of this vale of tears. You learn to recognize the positive values in what appear to be negative moments and aspects of your life. The big question is whether you are going to be say a hearty yes to your adventure. . .

the adventure of the hero - the adventure of being alive."

28 days to get my sh** , er, stuff together

I can't believe another year is coming to a close!!! 2006 already??? Just yesterday it was December 1999 and we were all stockpiling goods and wondering if all the world's computers would crash;-) My, how time flies!

Okay, what a year this has been and man, how Life asked me to stretch to accomodate it all. Faced things I never thought I'd be facing but done, and I'm stronger and wiser for it all.

I want to spend the rest of this month doing some things I've told others I'd do. I owe the Universe and can't get any more credit 'til I pay off some of these past debts.

I took the kitten Sara needed to find a home for

"Can I get a puppy?" my son Joshua asked.


"You got a kitten."

"I'm gonna take care of it, and I pay the rent."

"Can I get a puppy?"


"Can I get a puppy?"

"You've got Copper."

"She's your dog."

I reminded him that he'd found her and convinced me to keep her.

"Can I get a puppy?"


"I'm getting a puppy," Joshua told his twin sister, Kara, as she walked into the kitchen.

"How come he gets a puppy?" Kara demanded to know. "You won't let me get a puppy."

"He's not getting a puppy."

"You have a cat," Joshua told Kara.

"I'll get rid of it."

""That's mean," my son said,

"I'll get rid of you too," Kara told him.

"Can I have a puppy?" Joshua asked.

"Can I have one too?" Kara added.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

NY op-ed

Very funny about Goodnight Moon
"My feeling is that there is nothing in life but refraining from hurting others, and comforting those that are sad."
-- Olive Schreiner
Gamble everything for love.
If you are a true human being.
If not, leave this gathering.
Half-heartedness doesn't reach into majesty.
You set out to find God, but then you keep
stopping for long periods at mean-spirited roadhouses.
Don't wait any longer. Dive in the ocean, leave and let the
sea be you. Silent, absent, walking an empty road, all praise.

~~ Rumi

Friday, December 02, 2005


There is a lesson I'm refusing to learn or maybe the thought of it's too painful for me to really deal with, but I'm right smack in a place that I don't want to be AGAIN!

I so want resolution, and there are people who know what I'm struggling with and they want to help me get to the place that I want to be at, but I'm resistant.

It's not that I'm afraid to say "hello" to something new. It's that it's just hard to say goodbye to the so much other.

The music these days

really too sexy for kids to listen to (Pretty Ricky's "Grind With Me" is playing in my ear), but it makes me want to get up and strip.

Just thought I'd share that with you;-)

Yesterday was also

the anniversary date of the Montgomery boycott.

A story in USA Today dealt with four people who helped shape the conditions so that Rosa Parks could do what she did.

One was Claudette Colvin, who nine months before Mrs. Parks, refused to give up her seat. She was arrested and the NAACP and other black activists were ready to use her case, but Colvin was rumored to be pregnant (she denies this--although she did have a child the next year, around 16, 17 years old) and she was said to cuss and throw angry fits.

In the news story, Colvin says that she believes her case was not the case chosen 'cause she was a dark-skinned black and Mrs. Parks was not.

Maybe so, but I also think it has to do with character.

When Branch Rickey went looking for someone to integrate major league baseball, he went looking for someone with character, someone able and willing to carry a huge burden-- I really think Satchel should have been the first black major league player, but again his lifestyle. . .

I hope Colvin doesn't die bitter or angry; her part in history was to be a minor one, but really it was no less important.


was the World's AIDS day. I didn't hear too much on it on a local level-- I forgot to ask my children if the schools did anything, but I doubt it 'cause I probably would've had to sign for them to get the information--and that frustrates me.

It's reached epidemic levels.

Although I understand why some are hedging-- I mean it's a disease that wipes out the undesirables, so what does it matter?

My latest pubs

Per Contra

or if you're only interested in my work (hee hee):

me me me me me

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Two things I'm not proud to admit about myself

1) I once believed Richard M. Nixon was innocent of it all.

2) I once had a crush on Rush Limbaugh.

'Cause she used to date Jerry Brown

My daughter attends a charter school, a bilingual one, and she's in the mariachi. She plays guitar and the violla (sp?).

There was a conference/program recently and Linda Ronstadt came to perform.

I asked my daughter if she'd met her and Kara replied, "Why would I want to meet that old lady?"

His laughter

will be the song my heart dances to ~~


Joe, I mean.

Well, he wouldn't have entered the contest on the very last day.


I was going to enter a contest and got everything prepared (and a month ahead of the deadline); I just needed to mail it. I set the envelope on the desk shelf for stuff going out, but forgot about it until yesterday, November 30, the deadline.

I had two stamps, a 23 and a 37 cent, no money and the child support hadn't been posted at the bank so I tried to bum a buck off Joe.

I questioned if the deadline was a postmark or "be there" deadline and momentarily pondered if I should just shuck the whole thing.

Joe thought that I should go that route. (Maybe he didn't want to give me the buck)

I entered it though.

I hope that my entry will be considered, that the organization just won't take my entry fee and toss my work.

Maybe I should've listened to Joe.


Wednesday, November 30, 2005

T.O. -- you can be an ass if you can run?

My son thinks Mr. Owens can be as cocky as he is 'cause he's good on the field.


IMHO, that kind of reasoning allows for greater misbehavior. Like: he couldn't possibly be a murderer; he was such a great football player. . .

Guidance & inspiration

Some of the things I don't agree with, but several of the articles have been so what I needed to know/learn for whatever was going on at a particular moment in my life, that it's uncanny.

Go here and sign up for some guidance and inspiration DailyOM

It's official

I will be reading in Washington, D.C. Sept. 25, 2006

cool cool cool

Two more stories published

At some point today, a new online mag called "Per Contra" will go live and two of my flashes will be in it.
I'll link it when it's available.

I don't want a boyfriend

"You're like twenty or something?" this guy asked me yesterday.

I laughed. "Nah, I'm more like 44."

"You're kidding? Damn , girl, you look good!"

I smiled.

"You married?"


"You have a boyfriend?"


"You want a boyfriend?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Don't know," I said. Conversation ended.

A lot of information has been coming my way, articles about intention and manifestation and one thing I have to be clear on is what I want. I thought about that guy's question and I don't know if he meant a boyfriend in general or him in particular, but I know that I don't want a boyfriend, or at least I wouldn't want that to become the status quo.

I want a man I can commit to, a man I will submit to. A man who inspires me to honor, respect and obey (yes, I did say that) him.

I always said I didn't want a husband. (I declined one proposal and with the other guy, well, I found it was easier/quicker/smarter to just return the dress and cancel the appt. for blood tests).

But I'm a different person, a better woman, now, and I do want a husband. I do. I do. I do.

Rod Stewart and Mick Jagger should quit the business

--the baby-making one.

I mean, really, should your GRANDCHILDREN and CHILDREN be playmates????

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I LOVE Pandas

The new cub, Tai Shan, is just too cute.

(I've heard that pandas are more closely related to raccoons than bears and there's one called "The Lesser Panda" that can walk on two feet, paws,whatever, and it's thinner than the black/white one, but, as always, I digress. . . )

Go here Panda info

Except, he's gay



cross him off the list


Monday, November 28, 2005


So I was messing around with the blog --changing the template and all--'cause I've got to waste 1/2 hour and now I understand what that notice was about losing customizing -- all of my links are gone!!!!!!!!!!!

Uhm, Susan. . . .HELP!

Do I have to tell you all of this??

A former professor came into the restaurant. I couldn't recall his name, so I asked him. When he told me, I said, "That's right; I was close, but now I remember."

"You must be a former student," he said.

"Yep," I told him.

The woman with him then said, "Well, you evidently didn't go into broadcasting." She didn't forget to add that nice condescending tone.


Why do people think that some don't exercise choice? That I can choose to work at a restaurant because it fits what I'm doing with my life at the moment.

My reply to her was, "No, actually I went into print and when I was tired of newswriting, I taught and then I decided that I wanted to be a writer and I'm working here while I work on a novel because an agent in New York is interested in it."


Another woman asked if I was a college student because some of the employees are and she was trying to recall which ones. I told her "no" and she gave me this look that clearly said that I was going nowhere with my life.

Uh, excuse me.

Do you need to know that I've already graduated from college with two degrees and with honors and I was recognized for my academic success with a scholarship and several awards and damn it I was such a smart cookie that when my friends were whining about the 12 or 14 hours they were taking, I was acing 21 and 22 credit hours semesters. And no I didn't have all those children until I went to GRADUATE school where my thesis was so compelling that when I wrote an expert in the field for information, he asked me to send him a copy of it so he could use my work in his courses.

Just because I work at a restaurant doesn't mean I have no ambition or dreams.

I hate when people try to define me without taking the time to try and get to know me.


So I think I've scored another reading for 2006; in Washington, D.C. So, that leaves 9 months to cover.

A guy I met at the Miami reading hosts a reading series in Atlanta, so I'll be writing him.(He did say he liked my reading style so. . . .)

and to follow up on that Miami Book Fair lead. . . .

I'm addicted

to the computer game "Bookworm." I found a tourney site where you can play the game for money-- pretend or real. So I signed up to play using pretend dollars and I won about $45 which I used to continue playing and playing. (You're fronted some bucks to play and then you can use your pretend winnings to play on).
I got a message after awhile that I was too skilled a player and if I wanted to play anymore, I'd have to play with REAL money, paypal or credit card accepted.


If only I had real money.


-- the movie. Have you seen it yet?

That and "Walk The Line" are my must see's.

I love

watching the leaves fall from the tree branches and then shuffling through the piles of them on the lawn and the street.

So that's how I spent part of this morning:)

Sunday, November 27, 2005

The Most Intriguing (and Sensual) Male Poets 2006

March is looking like my favorite month.

yummy calendar

Buy Susan's new book

Do you like wild and funny and sexy writing?

Then buy any of Susan DiPlacido's books plus she's got a new one ---"Mutual Holdings"---available in days.

Go here:
Mutual Holdings

Yay Susan!


I threw the stack of old NY Times away.

NY Times 100 Notable Books of the Year-- I've read not one

Fiction & Poetry

BEYOND BLACK. By Hilary Mantel. (John Macrae/Holt, $26.)

A CHANGED MAN. By Francine Prose. (HarperCollins, $24.95.)

COLLECTED POEMS, 1943-2004. By Richard Wilbur. (Harcourt, $35.)

EMPIRE RISING. By Thomas Kelly. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $25.)

ENVY. By Kathryn Harrison. (Random House, $24.95.)

EUROPE CENTRAL. By William T. Vollmann. (Viking, $39.95.)

FOLLIES: New Stories. By Ann Beattie. (Scribner, $25.)

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. By J. K. Rowling. Illustrated by Mary GrandPré. (Arthur A. Levine/ Scholastic, $29.99.)

HOME LAND. By Sam Lipsyte. (Picador, paper, $13.)

THE HOT KID. By Elmore Leonard. (Morrow, $25.95.)

HOW WE ARE HUNGRY: Stories. By Dave Eggers. (McSweeney's, $22.)

IN CASE WE'RE SEPARATED: Connected Stories. By Alice Mattison. (Morrow/HarperCollins, $23.95.)

INDECISION. By Benjamin Kunkel. (Random House, $21.95.)

KAFKA ON THE SHORE. By Haruki Murakami. (Knopf, $25.95.)

LUNAR PARK. By Bret Easton Ellis. (Knopf, $25.)

MAPS FOR LOST LOVERS. By Nadeem Aslam. (Knopf, $25.)

THE MARCH. By E. L. Doctorow. (Random House, $25.95.)

MEMORIES OF MY MELANCHOLY WHORES. By Gabriel García Márquez. (Knopf, $20.)

MIGRATION: New and Selected Poems. By W. S. Merwin. (Copper Canyon, $40.)

MISSING MOM. By Joyce Carol Oates. (Ecco/ HarperCollins, $25.95.)

MISSION TO AMERICA. By Walter Kirn. (Doubleday, $23.95.)

MOTHER'S MILK. By Edward St. Aubyn. (Open City, $23.)

NATURAL HISTORY: Poems. By Dan Chiasson. (Knopf, $23.)

NEVER LET ME GO. By Kazuo Ishiguro. (Knopf, $24.)

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. By Cormac McCarthy. (Knopf, $24.95.)

ON BEAUTY. Zadie Smith. (Penguin Press, $25.95.)

OVERLORD: Poems. By Jorie Graham. (Ecco/HarperCollins, $22.95.)

THE PAINTED DRUM. By Louise Erdrich. (HarperCollins, $25.95.)

PLEASE DON'T COME BACK FROM THE MOON. By Dean Bakopoulos. (Harcourt, $23.)

PREP. By Curtis Sittenfeld. (Random House, $21.95.)

SATURDAY. By Ian McEwan. (Nan A. Talese/Doubleday, $26.)

THE SEA. By John Banville. (Knopf, $23.)

SEVEN TYPES OF AMBIGUITY. By Elliot Perlman. (Riverhead, $27.95.)

SHALIMAR THE CLOWN. By Salman Rushdie. (Random House, $25.95.)

SLOW MAN. By J. M. Coetzee. (Viking, $24.95.)

STAR DUST. Frank Bidart. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $20.)

THE SUCCESSOR. By Ismail Kadare. (Arcade, $24.)

TOWELHEAD. By Alicia Erian. (Simon & Schuster, $22.)

VERONICA. By Mary Gaitskill. (Pantheon, $23.)


THE ACCIDENTAL MASTERPIECE: On the Art of Life and Vice Versa. By Michael Kimmelman. (Penguin Press, $24.95.)

AHMAD'S WAR, AHMAD'S PEACE: Surviving Under Saddam, Dying in the New Iraq. By Michael Goldfarb. (Carroll & Graf, $25.95.)

AMERICAN PROMETHEUS: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer. By Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin. (Knopf, $35.)

ARE MEN NECESSARY? When Sexes Collide. By Maureen Dowd. (Putnam, $25.95.)

ARMAGEDDON: The Battle for Germany, 1944-1945. By Max Hastings. (Knopf, $30.)

THE ASSASSINS' GATE: America in Iraq. By George Packer. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $26.)

THE BEATLES: The Biography. By Bob Spitz. (Little, Brown, $29.95.) S

BECOMING JUSTICE BLACKMUN: Harry Blackmun's Supreme Court Journey. By Linda Greenhouse. (Times Books/Holt, $25.)

BEYOND GLORY: Joe Louis vs. Max Schmeling, and a World on the Brink. By David Margolick. (Knopf, $26.95.)

BOSS TWEED: The Rise and Fall of the Corrupt Pol Who Conceived the Soul of Modern New York. By Kenneth D. Ackerman. (Carroll & Graf, $27.)

BREAK, BLOW, BURN. By Camille Paglia. (Pantheon, $20.)

BURY THE CHAINS: Prophets and Rebels in the Fight to Free an Empire's Slaves. By Adam Hochschild. (Houghton Mifflin, $26.95.)

COLLAPSE: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed. By Jared Diamond. (Viking, $29.95.)

CONSPIRACY OF FOOLS: A True Story. By Kurt Eichenwald. (Broadway, $26.)

DE KOONING: An American Master. By Mark Stevens and Annalyn Swan. (Knopf, $35.)

DREAM BOOGIE: The Triumph of Sam Cooke. By Peter Guralnick. (Little, Brown, $27.95.)

ELIA KAZAN: A Biography. By Richard Schickel. (HarperCollins. $29.95.)

AN END TO SUFFERING: The Buddha in the World. By Pankaj Mishra. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $25.)

1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus. By Charles C. Mann. (Knopf, $30.)

FREAKONOMICS: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything. By Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner. (Morrow, $25.95.)

GARBAGE LAND: On the Secret Trail of Trash. By Elizabeth Royte. (Little, Brown, $24.95.)

THE GLASS CASTLE: A Memoir. By Jeannette Walls. (Scribner, $25.)

A GREAT IMPROVISATION: Franklin, France, and the Birth of America. By Stacy Schiff. (Holt, $30.)

IN COMMAND OF HISTORY: Churchill Fighting and Writing the Second World War. By David Reynolds. (Random House, $35.)

JEAN-JACQUES ROUSSEAU: Restless Genius. By Leo Damrosch. (Houghton Mifflin, $30.)

JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH: His Life, His Politics, His Economics. By Richard Parker. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $35.)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BRONX IS BURNING: 1977, Baseball, Politics, and the Battle for the Soul of a City. By Jonathan Mahler. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $25.)

THE LETTERS OF ROBERT LOWELL. Edited by Saskia Hamilton. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $40.)

LINCOLN'S MELANCHOLY. By Joshua Wolf Shenk. (Houghton Mifflin, $25.)

THE LOST PAINTING. By Jonathan Harr. (Random House, $24.95.)

MADE IN DETROIT: A South of 8-Mile Memoir. By Paul Clemens. (Doubleday, $23.95.)

MAO: The Unknown Story. By Jung Chang and Jon Halliday. (Knopf, $35.)

MARK TWAIN: A Life. By Ron Powers. (Free Press, $35.)

MATISSE THE MASTER: A Life of Henri Matisse. The Conquest of Color, 1909-1954. By Hilary Spurling. (Knopf, $40.)

MIRROR TO AMERICA: The Autobiography of John Hope Franklin. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $25.)

NEW ART CITY. By Jed Perl. (Knopf, $35.)

NIGHT DRAWS NEAR: Iraq's People in the Shadow of America's War. By Anthony Shadid. (Holt, $26.)

OH THE GLORY OF IT ALL. By Sean Wilsey. (Penguin Press, $25.95.)

OMAHA BLUES: A Memory Loop. By Joseph Lelyveld. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $22.)

102 MINUTES: The Untold Story of the Fight to Survive Inside the Twin Towers. By Jim Dwyer and Kevin Flynn. (Times Books/Holt, $26.)

THE ORIENTALIST: Solving the Mystery of a Strange and Dangerous Life. By Tom Reiss. (Random House, $25.95.)

OUR INNER APE: A Leading Primatologist Explains Why We Are Who We Are. By Frans de Waal. (Riverhead, $24.95.)

POSTWAR: A History of Europe Since 1945. By Tony Judt. (Penguin Press, $39.95.)

THE PRINCE OF THE CITY: Giuliani, New York and the Genius of American Life. By Fred Siegel with Harry Siegel. (Encounter, $26.95.)

THE RISE OF AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: Jefferson to Lincoln. By Sean Wilentz. (Norton, $35.)

THE RIVER OF DOUBT: Theodore Roosevelt's Darkest Journey. By Candice Millard. (Doubleday, $26.)

1776. By David McCullough. (Simon & Schuster, $32.)

SPOOK: Science Tackles the Afterlife. By Mary Roach. (Norton, $24.95.)

THE SURVIVOR. By John F. Harris. (Random House, $29.95.) An assessment of Bill Clinton's performance in the White House; by a reporter for The Washington Post.

A TALE OF LOVE AND DARKNESS. By Amos Oz. (Harcourt, $26.)

TEAM OF RIVALS: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln. By Doris Kearns Goodwin. (Simon & Schuster, $35.)

THE TENDER BAR: A Memoir. By J. R. Moehringer. (Hyperion, $23.95.)

THEATRE OF FISH: Travels Through Newfoundland and Labrador. By John Gimlette. (Knopf, $25.)

TULIA: Race, Cocaine, and Corruption in a Small Texas Town. By Nate Blakeslee. (PublicAffairs, $26.95.)

VINDICATION: A Life of Mary Wollstonecraft. By Lyndall Gordon. (HarperCollins, $29.95.)

A WAR LIKE NO OTHER: How the Athenians and Spartans Fought the Peloponnesian War. By Victor Davis Hanson. (Random House, $29.95.)

WARPED PASSAGES: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Universe's Hidden Dimensions. By Lisa Randall. (Ecco/HarperCollins, $27.95.)

WITHOUT APOLOGY: Girls, Women, and the Desire to Fight. By Leah Hager Cohen. (Random House, $24.95.)

WODEHOUSE: A Life. By Robert McCrum. (Norton, $27.95.)

THE WORLD IS FLAT: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century. By Thomas L. Friedman. (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $27.50.)

THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING. By Joan Didion. (Knopf, $23.95.)

A poem

I am your lover, come to my side, I will open the gate to your love.

Come settle with me, let us be neighbors to the stars.

You have been hiding so long, endlessly drifting in the sea of my love.

Even so, you have always been connected to me.

Concealed, revealed, in the unknown, in the un-manifest.

I am life itself. You have been a prisoner of a little pond,

I am the ocean and its turbulent flood. Come merge with me,

leave this world of ignorance. Be with me, I will open the gate to your love.

~~ Rumi

Saturday, November 26, 2005


Last night I pulled out some more records. Do you remember:

Little River Band
Grand Funk
Kenny Nolan
KC &The Sunshine Band
SOS Band???

And then some Bob Seger, Earth, Wind & Fire, Barry Manilow (really, I used to LOVE him) and some country (Waylon Jennings, Razzy Bailey, The Judds, Earl Thomas Conley (I was soooooooooo in love with him).

Yes, another music session lasting into the early morning.

Life reverses itself

I have a son that does not live with me. He was missing.

One day-- that's how long the law enforcement agencies will actively look. No more than that, because "they have other things to do," the woman at the police station told me.

Well, okay. . .

But six days later, it's over and everything's fine. Just like that.

My greatest fear, of course, was that he would end up somewhere dead. Though I've been there before, facing the loss of a child--two of my children have been hit by cars; one daughter born prematurely and ended up in the special care unit; then later at two, she's being tested for leukemia; and then there's the time my youngest son was supposed to go to his friend's house after school but he never showed up and we searched for hours and again there's only so much you can do-- it's not like you can go knocking on everybody's door, is it?--I never, ever really want to have to deal with that. What mother would?

Fears exacerbated 'cause it echoes when my brother was missing and ended up dead. Until there's a body, you don't give up hope, but still everyday with no news is crazy (I was going to say "murder" or a "real killer" but those would be really bad puns).

Still I learned just how much my heart could face. More importantly, I've learned that there is so much out of my control-- all I can do is choose my attitude and to trust in God. Trust that there is reason and hold onto my integrity, again like Job, and receive the blessings, the intangible ones.

So this was a hard week but one where I learned, again, what I can choose to be made of.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

My bra size

This man who came into the restaurant the other day asked what it was.
Uhm, WTF??????????


Well, it will not be tragic . Perhaps unhappy but I can live with that.

Monday, November 21, 2005

I think I'm there

Something happened over the weekend that could turn painfully tragic. Numb, at first, but now I'm at some peace with what is and what may become.

I was thinking my state was because of a degree of "awfulizing;" the idea that bad stuff seems to happen to me again and again -- I'm therefore not surprised or moved by it, but I don't think that that's it.

I cried and then let go and what I believe, and so hope, is true is that I'm "there"-- at the point where my heart is expansive and open and accepting.

That I can accept that my situation is sometimes better than that of others, that it is sometimes worse, but no matter what happens, no matter what life brings to me, that I can honor it, like Job, good or bad, with equal grace.


In a full heart there is room for everything, and in an empty heart there is room for nothing. -Antonio Porchia

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

~~Emily Bronte

Friday, November 18, 2005

One of my favorite Joseph Campbell quotes

"Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world."


Started exercising. Will pick up jogging again next week. I usually wear a 3/4 but I'm pushing the farther end of a 5/6. Such a fine line between "bootylicious" and simply "lots of booty."


The other night at work, this man left me a five-dollar tip.

I supervise and occasionally run the register. Whenever people do take-outs, sometimes they don't take an extra container they're entitled to. I always suggest they do but this man told me no.

"I told you 'no' the last time you told me about it too," he said.

I suggested what he might put in it.

He said "No."

I countered with another suggestion.

Again he said "no."

This continued up to the point where I put his change on the counter.

He had been sorting through the money in his hand and he pushed a $5 bill across the counter to me. It was, he said, 'cause I argued with him.


If only I had $5 for everytime I've argued with a man!


Crying uncle.

I can't write every day and I don't believe I'm a novelist. I love the short story form, and especially flash. I should accept this for now. I can try a novel later, like when I'm 60 or something.


This lady put an ad in the paper looking for someone to help her find "Gwendolyn Joyce Mintz." My son, who's looking for a job, saw it in the personal section of the classifieds of our city newspaper.

Turns out she wants me to make her a bear 'cause she'd read about me and my bears previously.

I'm not easy to get hold of. I take the hermit thing to an extreme, but it was my survival technique growing up in the household I did. I run or I hide-- either way, I can't be touched. If I can't be found or caught, then I can't get hurt.

Worked when I was a child, but I wonder, now, how many opportunities I may have missed out on because I keep running and/or hiding. Perhaps it's time to lay this "skill" to rest.


Going to contact the editor of an online journal I met at the reading. Hoping this will get me a reading in Washington, D.C. next year.

I'm trying for one every month. April's booked. 11 to go.

** Correction. Only 10 months to cover 'cause Didi had invited me to read for Mipoesias again, this time in Illinois (hopefully Chicago!)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you and that you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.

~~Clarissa Pinkola Estes

I'm going to be in the bookstores!

Well, Hastings to begin with. The book manager has agreed to carry the mug (available from with my flash "She Follows."

Am working on an independent bookstore, have just got the name and number for the regional buyer for Barnes and Noble and I'm headed to the bookstore at my alma mater later today.

Thought the writing life was about sitting in a chair, but I'm finding that it's an awful lot of legwork as well.

(and thanks to Kathy Fish, for the idea)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Kathy Fish

is a cool woman and fascinating writer. Talked to her yesterday and she made me laugh and laugh. Almost an hour on the phone? Felt like minutes-- we could have gone on and on. . . .

One day she'll have a website, until then go here:

Mrs. Fish

You can also google her.

Read and envy and admire her!!

(And someone should tell this person that I AM the president of the Kathy Fish fan club)

Insolent Rudder

one of my stories is gonna be in it when it reemerges. Cool.

Okay, back to the real world. . .

Miami was wonderful. Possibility that I can turn that reading into three more. Met the woman who schedules readers for the Miami International Book Fair, happening this weekend. Of course, I'm gonna follow that lead 'cause I'd loooooooove to read at the fair next year.

Not a 'ghetto' trip. So nice to not worry about anything-- just enjoy, enjoy.
Cuban men are gorgeous, I must note. Some, muy muy mucho;-)

Took pictures but I left my camera in the cab! And the ATM kept my debit card. I've got to call somebody about that, uhm, like today!!

Books & Books is a gorgeous bookstore and classy as well.

Did not want to go home but I knew I had to-- there were those two sinks of dishes to be washed that my children had waiting for me;-p

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

That Will Smith song

The one about Miami, in my head, in my head.

Some last minute details to take care of and I'm set. Will be in absentia for days. I'm ready for that.

Monday, November 07, 2005

New story up

"The Father of The Bride" in the November issue of Long Story Short. Look under "Odds 'n Ends."

I was going to be Bob's wench this weekend,

but I didn't make it to the Renaissance Craftfaire. He has a show and he wanted me to take part in it; the costume sounded really cool and sexy (a bustiere and corset to begin with) but I got tied up with some other stuff.

Still, Bob Diven is multi-talented. He performs comedy (musically), he writes, he acts, and he's amazing visual artist as well.
(We've decided he suffers from CDD (Caucasian Dancing Disorder) -- we'll never hit the dance floor again, ha!--but I won't hold that against him)

Go here to his new website :Bob
Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.

~~Henry David Thoreau

Friday, November 04, 2005

Joseph German

is a cool guy. Funny. Wonderful poet, too.



Sarah stopped playing
and I looked up as if
the moon was screaming from the top floor
in the red vacuum of alpine rescue ladders,
and somebody opened the window, I thought
so I could dream Jacob's dream, so I could breath
like smiling dalmations on the long folded back
of all our desperate fire engines. Sarah stopped
the music, and all my bells and whistles
hid between a fold of smoke and red search-lights,
playing go fetch with english pace-makers like
desperate dalmations as the moon rolled by.
She stopped and I watched the concert ladders fold
back into lunar vacuums of ivory and smoke
as the stoplights began to scream, english organized
in the breathless telescope of my ebony window
where the dream dalmations howl. The moon rock
stopped as silence poured

golden over the red, golden on the light, golden
down the pillar at the base of Jacob's vow.
She prayed, a long quiet into the smiling vacuum.
Sarah, she prayed bells. She sang Jesus is the rock
and he rolls my blues away.

This time next week,

I'll be hanging out in Miami.

Got window seats on the plane too and 'cause I have to fly to Phoenix first (I don't understand why America West continually makes me fly west before flying me east, but—) I will get to spend some time with my bestest friend Carrie.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

Madonna's 15 minutes aren't up yet?

Can someone please check the clock?


Read Poor Mojo's this week

No, I'm not in it ;-) but it's (still) a good issue.

Kidding. Really, though, it is.


November 1 was also the deadline for a chapbook contest. Because those contests for fiction are so few and very far between, I really wanted to enter this one.


Still on track with novel. All giddy, thinking I might just do this. Heh heh.

An open note to the love of my life

Years ago, because in my heart I have always known you existed, I purchased a beautiful heart-shaped frame. It was intended to hold your photograph. I found it the other day when I was clearing out a box of things I had packed away.

I remembered it's purpose. So I cleaned the dust away and polished the glass.

I placed it on the table in my room where it belongs. It's empty right now; just waiting for you to be in the picture.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Stuff -- writing and otherwise

No acceptances, but no rejections either--ha!

Got the application from Money for Women. Need to get packet together and in the mail ASAP or by Dec. 31, whichever comes first.

Need to go apply for the passport.

Pier 1 has dishes on sale. Have no available credit so I can't buy online. Means I gotta go into the store. Yikes! I'll leave with more candles 'cause I can't resist. No, really, I can't. I just can't.

So, Nov. 1 came and went and I didn't get this story to a contest. Oh well. Next.

Was going to buy a Foreigner hits compilation cd but it didn't have "Dirty White Boy" or "Waiting For A Girl Like You" on it. How can that be? But I got the one by .38 Special and I'm pondering Lynard Skynard and the one from Chicago with every song I love esp. "Color My World" and "You Are Not Alone" is my very next purchase.

I wish the heat in my house were electric. Brrr, it's getting colder. Even the ducks at the university pond were all tucked in.

Yes, I wrote

Started to get the novel on paper. For a year now I've been sorting through ideas and character names and storylines. Still no definitive stuff-- the process is pretty fluid, isn't it? -- but I wrote. I began. And I have plans to do it again today.

The agent that wrote that book "The First Five Pages" also wrote a book that proposes that if you really know your character, then the work will unfold in "authentic" ways. So tonight I'm going to be answering questions about and talking to my character and getting to know her.

The problem I had with the two previous novels I wrote, and I've read that this is a common thing, is that the work was too autobiographical.

My character Ada from "The Teacher" shares characteristics with me, but she's not me, nor am I, her.

Another problem was that I was trying to reorchestrate my life through fiction. Make the story go the way I wanted it to go rather than accept what was.

Bu I've learned. I am willing to believe that I am here to channel something, something important and in the form of a novel ['cause that's what several keep asking me for ;-)]

If it's to be, it will. (Well, also if I sit my butt in the chair and write!)

The Miami Reading at Books & Books

If you're in Florida next week--

Friday, November 11, Gables
Books & Books and MiPOesias Revista Literaria bring you some of our best and brightest literary talents. Join David Trinidad, Nick Carbo, Terri Carrion, Reb Livingston, Jenni Russell, Michael Hettich, Bruce Covey, Gwendolyn Joyce Mintz, Gianmarc Manzione, Howard Camner, Barbra Nightingale, Rita Maria Martinez and Birdie Jaworski for a series of readings from their work. Jack Anders serves as the master of ceremonies. 8pm
Live Music in the Courtyard: Singer-Songwriter Bill Cruz, 7-11pm

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The first day of the rest of my (writing) life

So it's November 1st and I need to start a novel, don't I?

On my way -- I'm ready to write some-- not sure how much but that's okay.

I can see I'm growing as a writer 'cause I'm allowing myself some things I never allowed before.
Like I don't need to know the whole story, that the novel can unfold and I can be awed and confused and delighted by it as it moves me along. And I plan to revise. And write every day. All very new to me.

I bought a book last night at Hastings about developing ideas and I'm going to work through it. Going to go back to get that book about writing a "breakout" novel and I'm going to hand over $35 for another writing book I've been looking at. I'm willing to learn, to try techniques that help me stretch. Which alone--that I don't know everything and that that can be okay-- is a huge step for me.

Anyway, I'm going go write now. It's the first day of the rest of my writing life and I'm not concerned about day five or fifteen. Right now, I'm ready and that's more than enough.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

HA! I'm such a doof sometimes. My boss refused my resignation and she told me that I'd requested more hours. And I did ask that, for two weeks, I work crazy hours + overtime but I thought I'd asked in a time frame so that this first week of November I'd be working less. Evidently I didn't.

"You said you needed the extra money," my boss reminded me. She added that my bookshelves had been on sale and that I had wanted money for the trip to Miami next week and then it all came back to me.

I've been tired and stressed so I forgot.

So indignant I was! What a dunce I can be!

Anyway, all is well on the job front. My hours will be cut, I'll supervise part-time and waitress part-time. Cool, cool, cool.

Kudos to Eddie for being such a wonderful boss.

Monday, October 31, 2005

"I said I don't think I should have to stand up."

And yet by remaining to sit, she stood for so many.

"People always say that I didn't give up my seat because I was tired, but that isn't true. I was not tired physically, or no more tired than I usually was at the end of a working day. I was not old, although some people have an image of me as being old then. I was forty-two. No, the only tired I was, was tired of giving in." (from "My Story")

Goodbye, Mrs. Parks, God bless and thank you.

Catching up

Today I may become unemployed.

My schedule was supposed to change and it did-- but my hours went UP! Uh, hello, I said I wanted to be there less. So I'm thinking today I may end up jobless and that would make me so happy. I just don't get the idea of spending your time (your life) working for someone and the rewards can be so few. Not for me.

I will of course have to get to work on my bears in a serious way and that's gonna require some discipline but I can do it. Like the Bible says, if you don't work, you don't eat and I've got this thing for three squares a day.

I'm also poised to begin the novel tomorrow. Unofficial participant in the National Novel Writing Month. No job is gonna impede on that. And I'm excited! I've written two novels before as well as almost finishing a novel-in-short-stories, but this is the novel that means a great deal to me. Pretty ambitious work and I'm looking forward to seeing if I can do this and what I might learn from it all.

Today though, before I go to the job-I-may-no-longer-have, I'm gonna start a new short story that's been playing around in my head and try to get that flash finally revised and submitted.

Yes, I've been bumming for some days. Not doing much although, if nothing else, the New York Times are now in a much neater stack;-)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

damn, Houston

the problem was bigger than we thought--ha!

Yay yay yay!

And Dusty, it's your turn. Get those boys to really step up to the plate.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Get to know the absolutely wonderful Liesl Jobson

One of the more fascinating writers I know, though it's virtual (but that should change; she's offered to put me up when I make it to South Africa).

But back to Liesl. Her work is stunning and breath-taking. A cool person and wonderful woman, besides.


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Not all who wander are lost.

J. R. R. Tolkien

Monday, October 24, 2005

Oh, and. . .

Yay White Sox!

One last thing to think about

"Push it. Examine all things intensely and relentlessly. Probe and search. . . until you see the mystery."

~~ Annie Dillard

Something else to think about

"Learning to sing one's own song, to trust the particular cadences of one's own voice, is also the goal of the writer"

~~ Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

Something to think about

"I write to discover what I know"

--Flannery O'Connor

Life can be so glorious and exquisite

Enjoy today.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Go here

sites again and again and again

Admire and envy him.

Theatre 101

Another writer sent me information about theatre opportunities. Last year, when I was doing some acting, I'd thought about writing a play and a part of me is thinking that maybe I ought to revive that idea and work toward one of the opportunities, esp. since several are for one-act plays and I've written 1.5 in my time. And my college professor said that completed one was pretty good. I did get an A in class. (HA!)

But would I need to throw that in the mix? Like I don't have enough to do already?

But come November, I will have more dispensable time. And one of my strengths is that I can write a lot in a short period of time and under deadline (thanks to all my journalism profs).

So we'll see.

I'll seven hours daily to myself times four days a week when I'm not working and if I work on the novel three hours daily, the play for one, read in the evening so those hours don't even count and work at the craft of writing for another. . .

Have I said. . .

YAY White Sox! lately?

I love redundancy;-)

Friday, October 21, 2005

Working at my writing,

though I'm not really writing.

I'm reading and working "The Artist Way"-- esp. doing the morning pages. Also doing exercises from various other books on writing so I can stretch my ability.

Seeing droplets of success. I've been working on a revision of a flash work but it was missing a line, that line that defines the work, spins the storyline and finally it's come to me. Hallelujah!


A recent acceptance-- cross that work off my submission list

Poetry chapbook to a press currently reading

Fiction chapbook to contest

Short story collection to Iowa Prize

Seven stories to four contests. One in limbo-- didn't get it finished as originally hoped/thinking Nov 1 will get here before I get it done:(

Sent for application for grant from Money for Women, which funds female writers

Need to get work ready for Santa Fe Writing Project

Yesterday, a customer asked if I wanted to get married

'cause he says he has a son he wants to introduce me to. He said his son was a professional football player. "He's 6'3"," the man told me. 200 something pounds.

"Do you think you can handle him?" he asked.

I laughed. "I think the question is 'Can he handle me'?"

The man laughed as well. "Good answer," he said.

And Jesse next door at the UPS office brought me chocolate again. "He's always looking in the window to see if you're here," the hostess told me. "He's handsome; you should go out with him," she added.

Well, maybe if HE ever ASKS--

Something is happening. Wow.

That saying "Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it" is true. What we ask for --AT AN UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL-- is what we generally receive. I believe that one's sense of deservedness affects the answer life gives us. I also think that one needs to be specific in one's request-- not stupidly so, though (My guy doesn't have to have a certain color eyes) but just to say "I want a man in my life" opens the door to any man AND I"VE BEEN THERE.

I'm asking for a mate-- not a soulmate as popular culture proposes; I believe that many, male and female, can touch and expand us on a soul level and I don't believe in past lives, but a man courageous enough to step out on a path and walk with me; a man truly willing to create love, an enchanted love, and not some facsimile of.

For him to materialize I need to know the qualities I want him to have. What's non-negotiable. So I'll have to do some thinking on this.

The task first, though, is to change my passwords-- they're all the name of past boyfriends! Time to let go/say goodbye--and equally as important, 'thank you' --to some guys so there's a clear path for THE guy.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The love of my life

Okay, now this journey is gonna be a little trickier 'cause I can't do much.

I don't think women should call men or ask them out, and I don't. I'll be touching on this later 'cause I'd like to explain my views of masculine/feminine energies and how we use them.

Right now, I just know that I'm gonna have to use what I've got to attract a man. Lucky for me, I've been told I have a pretty smile and a nice ass.

Those should work for awhile.

My home

Goodwill is making another trip to my house on Saturday. They will pick up a desk, some lamps I really liked in the store but have great difficulty finding bulbs for ( what's a 40 watt "s" and why doesn't any store seem to have them??????) and other misc. stuff.

I like the way space is opening up in my house, and I'm looking forward to taking up that space only when necessary, and only with things I want. Like it's not necessary for a pile of NY Times to take up space in my home. Takes energy from me when I start to fret about them just sitting there. Hey, Gwendolyn, THROW them out! I need to learn to do certain things one time-- like read the newspaper and toss it, rather than save it and have to do an additional thing with it later.

I scrubbed floors yesterday. Moving to walls today.

I bought new curtains for the kitchen window and door. Wanted more plants but alas : (

Sometimes I think I'm nuts 'cause I'm actually making plans to move (not to St.Louis-- that just doesn't seem to work out no matter how many attempts). There is a metaphorical/psychological task I'm to complete and I can't leave until I do. Too much to explain but establishing a home in this place I'm at today seems to be the very key to my release.

misc ramblings and such

Someone much smarter than me when it comes to playing chess helped me see my problem. I understand now what I was doing wrong in moving the King and why the computer wouldn't allow the moves I was trying. Now, I'm ready for another match, but for the record, Bobby Fischer has nothing to worry about;-)


I have no idea what my novel is going to be about.

I have one idea I've been toying with, which is the book Nat Sobel wants. And all he wants for now is 50 pages. That's all + the novel-in-stories.

So the goal is to finish that one last story that I haven't yet gotten to. Rewrite the parts where I want to link the various works a wee bit more and get those 50 pages done. I am scared and expectant. A lot of it is my insecurity and the level of my sense of deservedness. I know I work hard and deserve the degree of success I've achieved, but still success terrifies me.

I like the "good stuff" as much as anyone but I struggle with 'why me?' and not someone else. So understanding boundaries is another aspect. I am Gwendolyn, not so-and so. My journey is not supposed to match another's, whether it's my writing or personal life. I've got to remember that. What I receive, good or bad, is sufficient for me, what I need to learn and to teach. Pin that to my forehead.

The "punchline"-- I'll be even more successful if I learn and live the lesson! Ha! Facing and resolving these fears and insecurities will help me grow and as I expand, my writing expands; as my writing expands, I find more acceptance in terms of publications (which to me is primarly how I gauge the opportunities to connect with others, although it is also an ego-stroking thing). The trick is to maintain a healthy sense of ego. Pin that to my forehead as well.


Someone in Oregon won that $340 million. In one day, New Mexicans spent over $1 million on lottery tickets for last Saturday's powerball drawing. That turned me off from playing in last night's game.

New Mexico is close to the bottom in several surveys, like poverty. We rival Mississippi! What better use could people have made with the one mil? Me, I'm taking the $2 I was gonna spend and buy a book to donate to a school library or something.


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Journey with me!

I'm going to get a novel out during November. Ship it off to Nat Sobel and see what he thinks.

I'm going to manifest the love of my life.

I'm going to finalize my home.

Three goals I want to work on-- so I'm going to be posting "progress" reports.

I'm excited and scared, but believe it will come to pass. I also believe that my writing what I desire, what I'm working for will help make it happen. There is incredible power in words-- like a book I own says, "Write it down, Make it Happen."

2 mugs & a plate

That's what I bought on my little adventure.

It's part of my journey to mainfest the love of my life.

I believe that morning can hugely set the tone for one's day. My dream is to share a plate of fruit with my love every morning.

Two mugs, though I'd prefer the idea of drinking from the same cup, but most men do coffee and I don't.

The place setting, for me, a metaphor of togetherness as well as separateness.


So I took a day off and went out of town and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice to be able to use the bathroom and watch tv as I so chose except it wasn't the weekend and I haven't had a chance to watch book tv and talk about it with Joe-- but I digress.

I found that people are generally kind and that it's nice to find my way in the world with the help of others. For so long I thought and have been trying to do "this" on my own 'cause I never wanted to depend on others, mostly because I'd been so let down during my childhood. But I'm willing to drop that now.

I need other people in my life and same coin, I need to be in the lives of some.

Monday, October 17, 2005

My hump

playing in my ear. What the F*** were the Black-eyed Peas thinking??????????

What the White Sox can teach you

Keep the faith.

$340 million

According to an article in USA Today, the odds of a person winning the powerball are 1 in 146,107,962. Still, evidently, people are buying tickets like crazy.

A woman gave me and Eddie a $9 tip to share earlier this week and we bought tickets again. (We didn't win). I pocketed $2 yesterday and maybe I'll take the chance. Maybe. Those odds. (shakes head) Damn, those odds.

Since I was up anyway, I went for a walk

Six in the morning. The sky was black, a few stars sprinkled across. A glorious white moon accompanying as I strolled along. In the distance was the intermittent roar of highway traffic -- people, unlike me, with a destination to meet. In the same distance, but closer. the ducks at the university pond, squawked. I was surprised, time and again, when others emerged along the path; startled out of the thought that I was somehow alone.

What the hell

am I doing up at this hour?


Sunday, October 16, 2005

The winning entry

for the Nerve Chapbook Contest was "Thru the Heart of This Animal Life, A Measure of Impossible Humor." It came in the mail the other day. It's poetry. Good poetry.

I've entered a few chapbook competitions and with the ones that accept both fiction and poetry, I've found that the winner has been a poet. Nothing wrong with that; just makes me realize that I need to change my strategy.

Next year, I will enter a fiction AND poetry chapbook!

Up and at 'em

Enjoyed my doing nothing day. It's great to be lazy sometimes. Two things I did do: I cooked for my children [ I was gonna order chinese delivery;-)] and I organized all of the pamphlets, newpaper clippings, misc. stuff I've picked up, thinking I might find a story there. Bought underbed storage boxes to put them in-- I even organized the material according to general subject in file folders.

A magnet I want says "I am organized-- everything is in one pile!" and that's how I've been operating."Clutter is a sign of genius" hangs on my bulletin board, but that's a lie. Clutter is disorganization and disorganization is a time-waster. So I'm really pushing the organized thing.

For so long, I've been writing out of chaos. But I'm thinking if I'm good now, couldn't I achieve some greatness if I worked from another place?

I imagine I'm (and have been for too long) like a plant that refuses to die but can't grow because the condtions that would nurture it aren't completely there. But if I got some sunlight, some pruning and regular waterings, then I'd get healthy and thrive.

So that's what I'm stretching for. The light. And only I can give myself that and I'm gonna.

One step closer

Go White Sox!!

Saturday, October 15, 2005


here: sites

Lazy Saturday

Nothing to do today. Nada. Zilch. So that's *exactly* what I'm gonna do.

How dumb do you have to be. . .

to stab yourself in the eye with a hot wing, tabasco sauce and all?

'Cause that's how dumb I am.

(roll eyes here)

Friday, October 14, 2005

I am working on becoming someone I will never quit finish.

-----Josie Natori
The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore.
--- Vincent Van Gogh

Thursday, October 13, 2005


I have several books written by Julia Cameron, most based on the work she did in "The Artist's Way."

I decided that it might be a good idea if I got that work and start there, build from it. So I bought it. Flipping through it, I was interested in what she said about details.

Yesterday I missed the bus and had to walk to work, which I didn't mind because it would give me the time to pay attention to the world around me, the details.

Some of what I observed:

lots of cigarette butts
an empty condom wrapper
the steady stream of traffic, the lull, a solitary car whisking by
a scratch-off lottery ticket, torn in half


It's really hard for me to unlearn something. I (finally) figured out why the computer keeps slaughtering me when I play chess against it.

I don't know which directions the king can move in.

The computer won't allow me to place it on a wrong square, but I don't know enough about it to place it on the right one.

"Lady Blue" by Leon Russell

Could listen to it all night long.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


Writers end up writing about their obsessions. Things that haunt them; things they can't forget; stories they carry in their bodies waiting to be released ~Natalie Goldberg


You are going to have to give and give and give, or there is no reason for you to be writing. You have to give from the deepest part of yourself, and you are going to have to go on giving, and the giving is going to have to be its own reward ~Anne Lamott


I wrote from a sense of need. I needed something to do. You can't just sleep all day long ~Snoopy


The worst thing you write is better than the best thing you didn't write ~Unknown


Fiction is the truth within the lie ~ Anon.


Don't get it right, get it written ~James Thurber


One writes out of one thing only--one's own experience. Everything depends on how relentlessly one forces from the experience the last drop, sweet or bitter, it can possibly give ~James Baldwin


There is no perfect time to write. There's only now ~Barbara Kingsolver

Everyone has a talent. What is rare is the courage to nurture it in solitude and to follow the talent to the dark places where it leads ~Erica Jong


Love. Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love what you write. The key word is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for ~Ray Bradbury


Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depth of your heart; confess to yourself you would have to die if you were forbidden to write ~Rainer Maria Rilke


If a story is in you, it has got to come out ~William Faulkner


A writer is someone who has written today ~J.A. Jance


How can you write if you can't cry? ~Ring Lardner


I think the only person a writer has an obligation to is himself. If what I write doesn't fulfill something in me, if I don't honestly feel it's the best I can do, then I'm miserable ~Truman Capote


A story isn't about a moment in time, a story is about the moment in time ~W. D. Wetherell

I'm looking for a honey

so I'm meeting and talking to men whenever/wherever I can.

I met this man named Terry recently and we talked for a good while. At the end of the conversation, he told me whatever man ended up with me would have a treasure.

I loved hearing that!

I hope he was basing his comment on the heartfelt things I'd shared, but I can't be sure 'cause he was looking down my v-neck shirt when he said it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Writing recap

Seven stories out to four contests. Short story collection to Iowa award series. Another story to a contest today. Still tweaking the chapbook entries.

Submitted works

The Father Of The Bride
Cedar Rain
Los Prisioneros Pequenos (The Little Prisoners)
What I'm Payin' You For
Tatters~ A Monologue

Still needing complete first drafts

The First Time and The Very Last Time
A Baptist In Texas
Buzzard's Roost
Lily, In Bloom
Jack's Old Place
Gangsta Luv
One Shot, One Kill
Winner Take All
Soldier Boy

Revise and submit:

Eagle Soar
All God's Children
Andre's Rap
Children On A Leash
Where I'll Be If I'm Not There--THIS ONE IS MY GOAL FOR TODAY.

Tweak and submit:

The Cleaning Lady
Ernestine Watson's Girl

I'm off today and the kids are out of school for another day, so I'll just be writing the whole day. Off to that.
There is a "rightness" to things even if it seems like there isn't.

I need to learn to truly honor this. Sometimes, I'm a knucklehead and I want to argue Life out of what it's allowing in my days.

But I'm coming to the understanding that whatever the moment, a gift is there. That grand possibility exists if I will but express gratitude, and not dismay, at the way the present is packaged.

I love you-why can't you love me?

I love ferns and the various kinds of ivy. They're so green and lush, but in my hands, they turn brown, brittle and dry.

I picked up a fern and an ivy about a month ago. For two weeks, they seemed okay. This morning, I realized that their days are severely numbered.

Damn, and I try so hard. Misters, plant food. . .

Next trip to Home Depot, I'll drop some money on another fern and an ivy as well because I'm stubborn like that.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Sometimes certain black people annoy me

Controversy in Florida-- I just heard about it.

Article here: article

Cartoon here: cartoon

The cartoon is not racist. Funny. So very, very funny, but not racist.

I'm tired of the double-standard about the usage of "nigger." And there is no difference between it and the word "nigga." No matter how you say it, it's a dumb word and no one should use it in everyday conversation.

(And I'm black --so I can *say* this-- ha!

Sunday, October 09, 2005


It's getting colder.

Time to pull out the blankets or find a honey to snuggle with.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

It's morning already?

Bought an electric skillet and replaced the waffle iron as well. Told my kids I'd get up and make them breakfast. Yikes! That's served in the morning, isn't it? But I did it.

It's morning.
Damn, they come so early.


This lady tipped me and my boss earlier this week. Eddie, my boss (who is a lady), and I decided to spend the 4 bucks on lottery tickets for tonight's powerball drawing. It's 205 million U.S. dollars.

There's no way my life could be any richer, but maybe tomorrow morning I'll wake up with some money.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Another GRAND morning

I don't do mornings so I love it when they start off exceptionally well and today's has.

I feel a little guilty -- should anyone be as happy as I am today? Well, actually everyone should. I wish that 'cause it's such an exquisite feeling. I'm all giddy and at peace and joyous to boot!

With good reason. I've worked hard for certain things in my life and now I'm receiving my reward, reaping what I've sown, getting my just desserts and it's all so very delicious.

Got my invite to read at the city library as part of the reading series sponsored by a local writers group called Sin Fronteras/Writers Without Borders. And they're gonna pay me!!!!!
Kudos to the wonderful Susan Diplacido for her computer help. I feel nerdy-smart.

More links to follow. I need to write now. But check out Poor Mojo's (under 'magazines') 'cause that's my story published this week.


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Yay me!

As my friend Carrie would say. Got two works out today, only one that's on my list of stuff I'm supposed to be working on, but I can bump stuff, can't I? As long as I get stories out.

Two chapbook entries, fiction and poetry, almost ready for a Friday mailing. Gawd, it feels good to have my writing moving again.

Today I'm in an exceptionally good mood

The path has been completely revealed, the road cleared.

Home is truly in sight. No need to fall back or hesitate.

Forward. Forward. Forward.

Yesterday's Post

which couldn't be posted 'cause there was some maintenance being done.


Yesterday's heading: A Wonderful Thing

Michael Bolton said love was and that's true, but I'm finding organization is truly wonderful! Things where they're supposed to be-- WOW, what a concept. Makes life a lot simpler and easier.

Okay, yes, roll your eyes and snicker at me, if you will, but this is HUGE for me. A place for everything and everything in its place-- yeah, I understand the deeper meaning of that now. Its about boundaries. Imagine that.

Part of it is that I bought a book about the spiritual cleansing that comes about from housework. Really. It was one of those books that was calling to me. So I got it and now I've "got it" and I'm glad.


A last standing ovation for Mr. August Wilson. And a "thank you" for everything he brought to the stage and to our culture. Author. Author.


No, I didn't need another stuffed teddy bear, but I couldn't resist! His eyes were just begging me to take him home. Let's say it was a present to myself for being "good" and working diligiently. (ha ha) Whatever. Damn it, he was too cute to leave behind.

A solicitation for a fiction work. I always thought I'd love it when magazines would ask me for stories. Unfortunately, I'm still working [diligiently;-) } on what I think are going to be my best stories. I would need about 6 fiction works and two different submissions of poetry to meet the requests I've received this year. Oh, my ego loves being wanted --now if I could only get the work done and get the byline.


I thought I was going to have to quit my job, but I don't. I wanted to cut my hours so I could get my teddy bear business up and to write with the intent of making money at it, but that didn't seem it would happen, but it worked out!


Monday, October 03, 2005

More randomness

Got a rejection from a magazine that will remain nameless because I may want to submit to them at a later date, but their answer was a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time in coming. Way past their stated response time. I wanted to write back and say that my story had already been accepted and PUBLISHED elsewhere while they were considering it. But, like I said, I want to submit to them again so I'll just behave my little self.


I bought a book of poetry and have spent the day reading it. Have to get stimulated to write some poetry 'cause I'm going to Miami in November and I want to have some fresh, new and shiny stuff to share;-P


I went to Walmart and found it was so possible to go in for two things and end up spending the entire $80 in my pocket.


Two things I need to attend to before I miss out

a ticket to B.B. Kings club for late Nov

a workshop on myth in storytelling


The lottery is 180+ U.S. dollars. Gambling is against what I believe, but everytime I pass the billboard announcing the current possible winnings, a part of me thinks I could also believe in owning an island and going into space with some Russians, you know?

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Quiet Sunday

Not much happening today. Worked. Blah:-p Not a morning person. So out of sorts, but I survived!


No bookcases this week:(
I'm working on matching cases for the living room and the den. None I need on sale.
But some kitchen things in the sale circulars, so this week I'll work on that room.


Not in the mood to do writing. I just want to take a nap. I will do that. (Damn, I am sooooooo easy.)


Actually, I'm poised to do some serious work tomorrow. This week I plan to have complete first drafts of :

Jack's Old Place

The First Time And The Very Last Time

to have these works revised and submitted:

Children On A Leash

Where I'll Be If I'm Not There

Andre's Rap

Tatters ~ A Monologue

and I'm going to print out a chapbook of stories (today, before the nap) and submit it to a contest tomorrow.


This past week I was notified that my name is being kicked around to be one of the readers for the reading series sponsored by the city library.

I also got a possible invite to read the poetry of a former professor, Keith Wilson, at a special event honoring him. That's humbling.

Not much else, so adios. Time for a siesta.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I'm having difficulty with the idea that I'm not going to have thirty-six straight months of publication. I've got stories lined up for October, November and December. Damn September! My ego is like WHAT????? But it's my own fault. I had, what 25+ stories, that I could have finished and submitted at any time.

I just hate taking responsibility, hate it when things don't work out the way I wanted them to, esp. when it was in my hands to have it otherwise.


Leslie is sexy in that Kojak kind of way. He gave me a ride home yesterday; jazz was playing in his stereo. At some point, he showed me a disc box and asked if I knew who the musician was. I didn't and said so.

Leslie was surprised. (He's impressed with some of the things I know, but really I don't know all that much.)

I told him that too. "Maybe you'll have to teach me about things," I teased.

Leslie grinned. He said he was sure there were things the two of us could teach each other. And then again he let me know what he wanted — me.

I grinned, basking in his desire, which mirrored the woman I'm becoming. I felt, in that moment, that he had damn good reason to feel the way he does.


I'm gonna enter the Iowa short fiction contest. I've got enough stories and all it'll cost me is postage.


Now, it's time to get to work on some stories. Adios.