Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Everything is laminated

That was easy. And the artwork that was to be matted and framed is. Just need the $$$$ to pick it up.

Photo albums today and wooden frames, etc. as I can afford.

Still, I'm really getting organized-- submission guidelines in notebooks in alphabetical order even. (well, I'm anal like that)

The energy in my home has changed and I'm not frustrated-- always looking for stuff-- WHERE THE HECK IS IT???-- though I get a little annoyed with myself-- why didn't I do this earlier?

But maybe I didn't know.

Maybe I wasn't ready.

Because I was, as a child, a victim of so much, sometimes I just sit *there* -- in victimhood. Wallowing in whatever, waiting for someone to save me. To clean up the mess. It's easy to just sit and wait, to pretend, to wishful think. I'm lazy too. Not a good trait but I understand. It's safer.

I know that the behaviors I adopted were intended to keep me safe. I admire my ability to make myself override them -- to move forward, to try again, but that's only because I got hit by a car once and I know that life can end just that quick.

The truth is that sometimes, probably a lot of the time, I'm afraid. So very, very afraid.

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