I did this exercise where you list all the things you'd like in a mate and then chose the absolute top 5 you could not do without. These are mine:
1) He must have a job. How else could he buy me everything I want?
2) He must know that he has a second job--me-- and if he isn't at job #1, then he's working job #2. What exactly can I do for you now, Gwendolyn?
3) The stamina of an 18-year old. Or a current viagra prescription.
4) Be able to vocalize his responses. "Yes, Dear." "Anything you say, Gwendolyn." "I'll get to that right now." Addressing me as "Your Highness," "Your Majesty" and "O Supreme Goddess" will get him bonus points (but not cookies 'cause I don't plan to bake).
5) Be comfortable with whatever position he holds in relation to my kids, my turtles and the dog. He won't have to compete with my plants (I'm considerate like that) but he has to be okay with whereever he falls on the list of the 20 Most Important Living Things in Gwendolyn's Life.
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Just kidding.
But I did do the exercise and I came up with the 5 qualities that my guy should have and the 5 qualities I want to bring and the 5 qualities that our relationship would have.
What I learned: I could have saved me and some guys some time and heartache if I'd stuck to my list. Non-negotiable.
This time last year, but a few months earlier, me and this guy were dancing around the possibililty of a relationship. I'd had a thing for him for over 16 years. Over the years, we never seemed to hook up-- he was with someone, I wasn't or vice versa or we were both in something. I took a class he was teaching some years ago and I was sure that everything I felt for him was evident to him and the rest of the class.
Nothing ever happened ( I dropped the class 'cause I was also taking two writing classes and that took up most of my time). But last year we started running into each other and one day he hugged me and there was a bit of electricity and we talked about it and decided to follow it. Which was a mistake and now when I run into him, it's kind of uncomfortable and I'm thinking it could have all been avoided if I'd just known what I was truly wanting in a man and settled for nothing less.
Which is what I'm going to do. I know the 5 qualities my guy will have. They will allow me the freedom and safety to be truly me and to bring my 5 finest qualities to a relationship where he will be free and safe to be everything that he is as well.
1 comment:
Good for you, Gwendolyn. I used to have all sorts of qualities I wanted in a man. After not having much luck, I kept knocking stuff off the list to broaden the pool. Three years ago, I finally whittled it down to just one thing: He has to be kind to me. I'm not going to compromise on that one. This doesn't seem like too much to ask for. And yet...still freaking waiting.
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