Friday, January 16, 2009

Uh, duh

I woke up happy that I didn't have to go to work today and happy that in exactly one week, I'll not have to go to work at all.

There was a voice in my head, critical, of course about my employment history. I decided to listen to it and I had the greatest realization: I have lived my life, for the most part, in reaction to my parents' lives, what I witnessed as a child and those ideas about life that I developed as a result.

I've become aware that I'm overly concerned if men are "fun"-- as if that is the sole criteria for a relationship, but my choices make sense now. I try to live on the other extreme from my parents. Their relationship appeared to me as a child to be painful, so I decided to seek out fun. I've put them on one end and I've raced to be far on the other.

My ideas about money, God, work, people in general, parenting-- all on the opposite side, though in some instances it's a good thing.

Eureka!

And the freedom that comes from awareness!

Balance and responsibility. Those two items -- my life rafts.

No comments: