If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

I'm reading a book about how to have, be and do anything (within reason) and I told myself the same story I've been selling for awhile now that I want to find the love of my life and get married.

The book outlines the path one takes to achieve something and I can easily see how I've used it, consciously and not, to get some things I've wanted, get a work published or to go see/meet B.B. King and I wondered why, as the post says and which is also the title of another book, I haven't been able to accomplish the goal of a primary love relationship. The reason: I'm not committed to the idea. Committment is the point where one takes the idea/dream and begins to do things in the physical world which brings about its manifestation.

When I mention that I'd like to get married, I'm asked why and my response is to have sex 'cause I've been practicing celibacy and that's getting old. Even when I pray to God about helping me find a mate, what I say is so that I won't sin against you.

No wonder I get no help! Sex is not what makes a marriage.


So I thought about the marriages I've seen that are good and wondered what kind of people have those kind of marriages and I wondered if I could become one of them.

Could I keep a man in his place behind my God, but before my children, my job, myself?

Could I seek out the God in that man and bow before it?

Could I seek out the prince in that man and submit to his rulership?

Could I seek out the little boy in that man and delight in his innocence?

Could I accept the humanness of that man and accept his weakness?

Could I inspire him, could I follow him? Could I make a space in my heart that he could call home, could that place be warm and comforting and nourishing?

Could I be that kind of a woman?

Could I?