Life reverses itself

I have a son that does not live with me. He was missing.

One day-- that's how long the law enforcement agencies will actively look. No more than that, because "they have other things to do," the woman at the police station told me.

Well, okay. . .

But six days later, it's over and everything's fine. Just like that.

My greatest fear, of course, was that he would end up somewhere dead. Though I've been there before, facing the loss of a child--two of my children have been hit by cars; one daughter born prematurely and ended up in the special care unit; then later at two, she's being tested for leukemia; and then there's the time my youngest son was supposed to go to his friend's house after school but he never showed up and we searched for hours and again there's only so much you can do-- it's not like you can go knocking on everybody's door, is it?--I never, ever really want to have to deal with that. What mother would?

Fears exacerbated 'cause it echoes when my brother was missing and ended up dead. Until there's a body, you don't give up hope, but still everyday with no news is crazy (I was going to say "murder" or a "real killer" but those would be really bad puns).

Still I learned just how much my heart could face. More importantly, I've learned that there is so much out of my control-- all I can do is choose my attitude and to trust in God. Trust that there is reason and hold onto my integrity, again like Job, and receive the blessings, the intangible ones.

So this was a hard week but one where I learned, again, what I can choose to be made of.