I was reading one of the books I brought with me. It's called Empowerment-The Art of Creating Your Life As You Want It. It's an old book. I started working through the exercises but never finished the book. It doesn't appear that I got past chapter 2 (I write in books, highlight and such so in a self-improvement book I know how far I got into it).
The responses I gave to some basic questions-- where am I going? what do I want? are the same I would give today. My wants haven't changed; they just haven't been achieved.
When I was moving out of the house I was renting, I spent one night listening to my cd singles (remember them? Ha! And I have about 500 cassette singles. Someone suggested I invest in an mp3 player but nah, I'm so old school [except that I can listen to music on my cell phone and as soon as I figure out downloading, I'll put some on but I still won't part with my cd singles and cassettes. Hell, I'd probably still have 8-tracks if my player hadn't been in my car.]
But again, I've digressed.
I was listening to Chris Gaines, the fictional character that Garth Brooks created and I thought how not every thing works out the way you want it to. The Chris Gaines thing was somewhat of a failure but you've got to give Garth props for risking. I had been reading old interviews as I packed my writing room up and I was kinda bummed that I had "failed" to complete so much. But I've got an audio tape about thinking like da Vinci which is in my writing room to push me to greater creativity and I realized that maybe like da Vinci, my thinking was ahead of my time. Maybe I didn't fail because somethings didn't happen, maybe I succeeded by risking, by declaring some intention to want something more, something that was waaaaaaaaay outside my belief system at that time.
But, now, like da Vinci, some of the things I envisioned are becoming manifest. I think I've grown and finally caught up to my truest self, my dreams my desires.
Working through some chapters in the book last night, there was such a thread of electricity running through me. The whole book is based on the aspect of a journey and we all know I'm always out and about on some kind of journey, but I think this time it's different. Some serendipity, some charmed events, things that truly matter to me.
I can see clearly where I'm going and for once I can say in all honesty, it's my path and mine alone, although I'm looking forward to all I'll meet along the way and am grateful for those who are walking with me.
The way I feel right now-- I have never felt so empowered, so real, so me.
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