A lesson in love #2

By the time, the guy got on the bus, walked down the aisle and sat across from me, I'd already decided who he was. Some things he did when we stopped for breaks only served to verify my summation.

Later, my sweat jacket over my head, I was trying to sleep but couldn't because he was having a conversation with the guy behind me.

That only irritated me more but as his conversation went on (I had to listen 'cause I'm a writer and we eavesdrop and because they were the only two talking on the bus), I realized that I was so wrong.

The lesson was, Gwendolyn?

That I don't know anything about anyone until they show me who they are. I had stereotyped the guy and the things he did, filtered through my expectations of him, only seemed to support the stereotype. But what I learned was that he was a human being who had gone through some stuff and he was trying to deal with it the best that he could. I learned that he was looking for a way to grow out of his past.

That's a lot to get out of the conversation. Were they talking long?

Nope.

Then how do you know all this?

'Cause at some point I chose to listen. Not just to his words, but to his inflection. Listened to his hesitations, listened to his fear that maybe it wasn't safe to share what he was sharing, listened to his hope that maybe it was.

Wow. Anything else you learned?

Yep. This experience was quite ripe with some things to learn. You won't be happy to hear me say that I looked at him and decided certain things about him. I know we've had this conversation before, but it's habit. One I need to break.

It's hard.

Exactly, because I have to learn to be present with everyone. I have to be open and I have to be vulnerable.

And that does what to you?

It doesn't scare me as much as it challenges me to step up to a higher level of interaction with people, with myself.

Some people may try to hurt you. Deliberately.

I know, but I've been hurt before. Trying to hide the hurt and trying to hide from the hurt is what hurts the most. People will hurt me. People will disappoint me. I will hurt me. I will disappoint me. I will cry, learn from it all and move on.

Wow, again. You seem to be serious about this.

I am. It's freeing. At the next break, the guy seemed different to me. He did some things specifically for me. Maybe he was giving to me in the beginning, but I didn't see it because I'd already pegged him and wouldn't see anything outside of what I wanted to see. He gifted me with some kindness, he gifted me with his humanity. I just had to open myself--without judgment -- to receive it.