Thursday, October 20, 2005

misc ramblings and such

Someone much smarter than me when it comes to playing chess helped me see my problem. I understand now what I was doing wrong in moving the King and why the computer wouldn't allow the moves I was trying. Now, I'm ready for another match, but for the record, Bobby Fischer has nothing to worry about;-)


I have no idea what my novel is going to be about.

I have one idea I've been toying with, which is the book Nat Sobel wants. And all he wants for now is 50 pages. That's all + the novel-in-stories.

So the goal is to finish that one last story that I haven't yet gotten to. Rewrite the parts where I want to link the various works a wee bit more and get those 50 pages done. I am scared and expectant. A lot of it is my insecurity and the level of my sense of deservedness. I know I work hard and deserve the degree of success I've achieved, but still success terrifies me.

I like the "good stuff" as much as anyone but I struggle with 'why me?' and not someone else. So understanding boundaries is another aspect. I am Gwendolyn, not so-and so. My journey is not supposed to match another's, whether it's my writing or personal life. I've got to remember that. What I receive, good or bad, is sufficient for me, what I need to learn and to teach. Pin that to my forehead.

The "punchline"-- I'll be even more successful if I learn and live the lesson! Ha! Facing and resolving these fears and insecurities will help me grow and as I expand, my writing expands; as my writing expands, I find more acceptance in terms of publications (which to me is primarly how I gauge the opportunities to connect with others, although it is also an ego-stroking thing). The trick is to maintain a healthy sense of ego. Pin that to my forehead as well.


Someone in Oregon won that $340 million. In one day, New Mexicans spent over $1 million on lottery tickets for last Saturday's powerball drawing. That turned me off from playing in last night's game.

New Mexico is close to the bottom in several surveys, like poverty. We rival Mississippi! What better use could people have made with the one mil? Me, I'm taking the $2 I was gonna spend and buy a book to donate to a school library or something.


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