In a comment in a post down below, someone brings up the issue of my giving. It made me wonder and explore that aspect and I have come to realize this about myself and the world I find myself in: giving is a good thing.
I shouldn't go into nursing 'cause I'm not looking for monetary reward.
Are people so much a stranger to their own hearts that they aren't motivated and moved to help, to give, to serve. I'm not trying to save the world, I have no ideas that I'm that big or powerful. But I do believe, and strongly, that I can do something in my daily life that helps someone other than myself and that I should do that very thing. The possibility that I may get nothing, or at least not what I want, in return should not come into play.
When I first read the post, I thought, "Whoever, save your pity or sympathy for yourself." Life, I have learned, is not about deals.
Life has given me enormous pain. Life has given me enormous joy. The common factor: Life has given me something. What I do with it is my choice and I try to always choose the higher road.
Life is fair. Life is unfair. The common factor: Life is. There's no great mystery. It simply is; acceptance of this gives me the strength to go on no matter what.
I am not like most people. I so don't want to be like most people. Sometimes others find it hard to believe that I am who I am; I've been told I'm "too good to be true." But what I'm trying to be is so true that I can't help but be good.
I'm sorry if some people don't get that. And I'm not perfect. Believe me, I have a side that can wish and imagine the most horrible on individuals, but I never act on it. I choose not to act on it.
I'm not looking for pity and I haven't even told you the whole of what I've been through--'cause I can tell some more stuff like how in a four-year span my brother was murdered, my boyfriend was stabbed to death in the course of an argument, how my best friend committed suicide and another friend was killed in a motorcycle accident -- but what I'm trying to share is that the experience of life is not what happens to you externally, but what you internally choose to believe and what you then choose to do with those things.
My intentions are pure. I'm not doing anything for any other reason than it's the right thing to do (except manifesting the love of my life; I confess I'm doing that so I can get sex). Otherwise, I'm not looking to gain one thing. Maybe some have become so tainted that this concept is foreign.
I've given because I thought I could earn or get something in return, but all I got was bitterness and more fuel for my angry sense of entitlement. As I learned to give to myself, to care for myself before I thought about caring for others, I learned that giving to others could be a joy. And I'm not stupid about it. You can't overstep my boundaries 'cause I know when to say "no" and even then, in my mind, I'm giving you something because that "no" might help you learn in some way.
If you don't choose to be that way, okay. I'm not asking you to be. I only have to answer to God about the person I chose to be. But don't look at me through your narrow vision 'cause I can guarantee who I am will never come into view.
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