Relief!

I've been stressing and you know that. Yesterday, finally, I got my relief.

It's a very long story which isn't over yet and I will tell you the whole of it when it's finally, completely resolved but I will tell you this now: my mug shot is cuter than Mel's and I've got an appointment with the FBI on Tuesday. Yes, I was arrested, back in April. Shocked? Well so was I -- not as shocked as say Chris Daughtry when he got booted off "American Idol" but I was surprised just the same. No jail time (papers to bond me out arrived at "county" before I did) and I'm kind of ambivalent about that. Not a pleasant experience, but not the worse that can happen to a person. The situation, though, has flagrant civil rights violations that the FBI deems worthy enough to send to the Dept. of Justice. It's not on the scale of Rodney King, but in relation to the situation, way out-of-control.

And, yes, the whole situation came about because I WAS TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE. (But I'd do it again because it would be the right thing to do.)

Yesterday, when I should have been flying to NY to read at the Stain Bar, I was sitting in a courtroom, wondering if I was going to spend the next two years of my life in Dona Ana County Detention.

I learned a bit more about the legal system and I have a greater appreciation of how language and words can be manipulated to create "story."

When I was first arrested, I thought it was only Life giving me something to use in my novel; my book deals with the common issues of black life in America and I thought I was being given the opportunity to gain some first hand knowledge about how the police treat individuals, well it turns out maybe that and a bit more, Gwendolyn.

I can't tell you some things just now because an investigation into the Las Cruces Police Dept. by the FBI has been initiated, but I will tell you that the story has the proportions, the twists and turns of a freakin' police television drama. (A Supreme Court ruling just months before my trial--not largely known, even to my lawyer--provides me an out when I'm thinking it's "checkmate." I appreciate that but I still hold them responsible for their actions in 2000.)

Every stage I'm thinking the case will be dropped, it isn't. Made me crazy--living a dual life: I'm packing and planning to move all the while knowing that I may not be going any-damn-where.

I am breathing this morning because I was found not guilty of the violation for which I was arrested. "You are so innocent," a juror told me afterwards. Uhm, Ms. D.A. if you have to keep bringing your witnesses up to the stand to "clarify" and "reclarify" maybe there's a problem with their story.

Anyway, like I said in my posts about God, part of this was just a lesson for me to move closer toward Him. I appealed to the absolute highest court. I have a good knowledge of the Bible and you'd better believe I went to Jehovah using so many of the instances where He chose to act for what was good and true and just. I was reminded that He does act and for us, that He is loyal, that He does care-- even when I'm screaming that it's unfair-- what He allows in my life. I am humbled by the fact that He understood and that He acted on my behalf.

So this story still isn't completely over, but I've got two essays, two new short stories, a chunk of my novel and the beginnings of a news article that came out of this experience begging now to be written. And I'm gonna go write 'cause I am "free" to do so.